MST3k: Operation: Return to Earth
by garfieldodie
Summary: Mystery Science Theater 3000. Mike Nelson, Crow, Tom, Gypsy and Cambot are back on Earth...only to become fugitives from the law. Only Joel Robinson can save them now. It's only a matter of finding him... COMPLETE!
1. Night of the Blood Beast

**Mystery Science Theater 3000**

_Operation: Return to Earth_

Mike Nelson, Tom Servo and Crow T Robot had just finished viewing their last experiment, _Diabolik_, and Tom was trying to steer the Satellite of Love back to Earth.

Mike stood calmly at his side.

"Tom, what's our situation?" he asked.

"Beginning reentry, Mike," said Tom.

"Good."

_**KABLAM!**_

The entire ship shook.

"Total heat shield failure, Mike!" Tom cried.

"Bad. What's going on?!" Mike asked, panic beginning to set in.

**CRASH!**

"Deck 3: broken away!" Tom replied.

**CRASH!**

"Deck 4: broken away!"

**CRASH!**

"Cambot, give me Rocket Number Nine!" Mike ordered.

Cambot gave them an image.

The SOL was doing a nosedive towards Earth. Bits and pieces of the once wonderful ship were detaching themselves.

**CRASH! CRASH! CRASH!**

"Deck 5: broken away! Deck 6: broken away! Deck 7: melting…and broken away!" Tom announced.

"Gypsy, what do we do?!" Mike cried.

Gypsy appeared.

"We burn up horribly. It's too terrible to contemplate," she wailed. "Oh God in heaven, please have mercy on our souls."

"I'll call Pearl," Mike said.

As he yelled, some sort of gas was somehow released and engulfed Mike and the Bots in it.

"Uh-oh! Toxic gas entering our lungs and nasal passages!" announced Tom.

"PEARL!" Mike screamed as he, Tom and Gypsy coughed through the gas.

Down in Castle Forrester, the entire place had been cleaned out.

Pearl, Bobo and Observer stood huddled in the back.

"Now sing, damn it! Sing!" Pearl ordered.

They slowly made their way toward the door.

"It's a long way to tipperary…!" they sang.

Pearl then noticed Mike on the screen. She approached it, allowing Bobo and Observer to flee.

"Look, Nelson, move on. I am," she said.

And she pulled the plug.

They never saw her again.

Everyone continued to scream and shout as they dropped faster towards Earth.

**CRASH!**

"Whoa! DECK 9: BROKEN THROUGH DECKS 10 AND 11!" Tom hollered over the noise.

"This is it! We're going down!" screamed Gypsy.

"Brace for impact!" shouted Tom.

"We're all gonna die!" Mike wailed.

Crow suddenly appeared.

"Mike, have you seen my other sweater?!" he shouted.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!" everyone shouted.

Cambot's image was blocked by the rolling smoke that enveloped him.

_**KKKKKAAAAA-**__**BBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM**_

_**CRASH!**_

_**WHAM!**_

_**BANG!**_

_**THUD!**_

_**KABLAM!**_

Cambot's image remained completely white.

There was a long silence that filled the air…

* * *

_In the not-too-distant future… Now leaving time and space…_

_Mike Nelson and his robot pals have escaped from a nasty place._

_They prevailed and survived the wrath of Pearl. She's an evil gal who tried to rule the world._

_From her castle below, she set her sights above, and in her silliness, she went and freed the Satellite of Love!_

_**MIKE: **__I'M…COMING…DOWN!_

_She sent him cheesy movies. The worst she could find. (La, la, la)_

_Mike had to sit and watch them all as she monitored his mind. (La, la, la)_

_Now keep in mind Mike couldn't control where the movies began or end. (La, la, la)_

_But he kept his sanity with the help of his robot friends!_

_**Robot Roll Call**_

_Cambot (Gimme Rocket Number Nine!)_

_Gypsy (I don't get you)_

_Tom Servo (I'm the wind, baby)_

_Crooooow! (Bite me!)_

_If you're wondering how he ate and breathed and other science facts… (La, la, la)_

…_just repeat to yourself, "It was just a show. I should really just relax."_

_It was Mystery Science Theater 3000!

* * *

_

The flames of the Satellite of Love were beginning to spread around the forest it had crashed in.

Firemen were desperately trying to put out the fire.

There was only one place that wasn't alight, and that was the area near the bridge.

Construction workers were desperately trying to chop into it.

Two government officials were overseeing the wreckage.

As they watched the operation, a big black limousine drove up.

A man stepped out of it. He wore a black tux and had gray hair. On his jacket's chest pocket, there was a white capital G that was designed like a gear.

He was the president of Gizmonic Institute.

He approached the officials.

They faced him.

"Well…?" he asked.

The first one spoke.

"We can't be sure, but all evidence seems to point to it being the Satellite of Love," he said.

"Finally," the President sighed. "Now we can find out who stole it and why. Have you found any bodies?"

"We're conducting a search right now," said the second one. "So far we've deduced that the heat shields must have failed on a reentry. Whoever was piloting must've been a complete and utter moron, at best."

"Well, when I get my hands on whoever stole my ship…," the President muttered bitterly.

Just then, a construction worker approached.

"We've managed to breech the hull, sir," he said. "We're going through the ship right now. We'll alert you once we've found anyone."

"What have you found so far?" asked the President.

"The only thing that was intact was that we could find was this suitcase," said the worker, holding up a slightly singed suitcase. "It's got nothing but bags of rice in it."

"The fiends," the President growled.

"Uh, sir, it's just rice," said one of the officials.

Just then, they heard someone shout.

"HEY, WE'VE GOT SOMETHING!"

They all ran closer to wreckage.

The men were slowly dragging a giant metal structure out of the satellite.

It was large and purple with a giant white lip and what appeared to be a flashlight for an eye.

"It appears to be a robot," said one of the workers.

"Wait, here's another!" said a worker.

Someone pulled out a small squat robot that had a gumball machine for a head.

"I wonder how the arms work," contemplated one of the officials.

"We've got two more as well," said worker, pulling out two more robots.

One was a small orb with a camera lens built into it, and the other was a Tupperware dish / ping pong balls / hockey mask / bowling pin designed robot.

The President examined them.

"Hmmm…," he said, looking closely at the camera robot. "They're made from parts of the ship. It would explain why the thief could stay in space for so long. He built companions to keep him sane."

Then there was another shout.

"WE'VE GOT SOMEONE!" shouted a worker.

The President glared into the remains of the ship.

"Sir?" asked the first official. "Do you suppose that the disappearance of the janitor, Joel Robinson ten years ago?"

"No, it couldn't be him. We were given words that he had quit and last I heard, he's opened a Hot Fish Shop in Minnesota," said the President.

"Ooh, fun!" said the second one.

Then they saw a bunch of people gather around the entrance.

They managed to pull the man out.

He was slightly bruised and his blue jumpsuit was burnt and torn slightly, but he was alive and well for the most part.

"Hmmm," said the first official. "He doesn't look smart enough to actually steal a ship and build four robots."

"Well, let's get him to the Gizmonic Hospital," said the President. "We can interrogate him later."

"What about the robots?" asked the second official.

"We'll put them in storage for now. We'll dismantle them and use them for parts later."

"Yes, sir."

The man was loaded onto a gurney and carted away into an ambulance. Before he was loaded aboard, he managed to briefly open his eyes and see the burning wreckage that had once been his home. He also saw his robot friends being loaded into the back of a truck.

Mike passed out.


	2. The Brain That Woudn't Die

Mike Nelson was barely able to regain consciousness on the medical examining table.

"Oooh…," he moaned. "Where am I?"

The doctor approached.

"Welcome to Gizmonic Institute," he said.

Mike's eyes popped open.

"Gizmonic Institute? Isn't that the super-secret laboratory dedicated to coming up with new inventions?" he asked.

The doctor stared at him for a while.

"Well, not so secret after all," he grumbled.

Mike sat up.

"Well, it's hard to keep secrets like that. It's like Area 51."

"There's no Area 51."

"Then what do they do with all the aliens?"

"There's no such thing as aliens."

"Yes there are! I saw a lot of them while I was on the Satellite of Love."

The doctor looked at him quizzically.

"Yes, about that… I'm sorry to tell you this, but you've placed under arrest by the government for stealing the Satellite of Love," he said.

Mike sat there for a long, trying to comprehend this.

"Um…pardon?"

"Well, that's what happens when you steal government property," the doctor said condescendingly.

"But…but I didn't steal it! These mad scientists conked me on the noggin and they shot me into space!"

Mike made a rocket noise and made an upwards motion with his hand to illustrate it.

"I see," said the doctor. "And who were these mad scientists?"

"Dr Clayton Forrester and his assistant, TV's Frank."

"That's impossible. Dr Forrester was fired ten years ago."

"Yeah, right when the Satellite of Love was shot into space."

Then Mike remembered something.

"Wait… Where're Crow, Tom, Gypsy and Cambot?" he asked.

"Who?"

"The robots! Where are the bots?! Are they okay?!"

"Ah, the robots. They've been placed in storage."

"…And?" asked Mike, motioning for him to continue.

"And after some experiments are performed, we'll decide what to do with them."

"But…but, you guys aren't going to _hurt_ them, are you? I mean, I've come to think of them as my friends."

"Look, buddy, I'm sure no harm will come to them. Let's just hope they do well in the experiments."

Mike gulped nervously.

* * *

On the other side of Gizmonic Institute, four robots were sitting in a lab.

Crow and Tom Servo were strapped down into chairs, and Gypsy was strapped to wall because she wouldn't fit in a chair. Cambot was unable to be contained because he could just float away, but he felt a loyalty to the others, so he stayed in the room with them.

"Well, another fine mess Mike has gotten us into," complained Crow. "It's just like him to get us trapped in a government conspiracy!"

"Oh, come on, Crow. It's not _his _fault," said Tom.

"You know, you're right. It's _your_ fault!"

"What?!?"

"You were the one who was driving! Why'd we let _you_ drive? Your arms don't work!"

"Well, at least I didn't need help getting into the theater!"

"_Yes, you did_!" Crow shouted.

"Well, maybe I did, but at least I didn't cry at the first sign at danger!" Tom went on.

"_Yes, you did_!"

"Okay, well, at least I don't humiliate myself thanks to my confusion!"

"Servo, you're naming off your character profile by continuing to talk!"

"QUIET, YOU TWO!" Gypsy shouted. "We're in a real fix! This is more dangerous than anything we've been in! Something could happen to us! And we don't know where they took Mike!"

Crow and Tom looked upset.

"We're sorry, Gypsy," they chimed remorsefully.

"We've gotta find Mike and get out of here," said Crow.

"But how?" asked Tom.

Just then, the door opened, and a scientist approached.

"We'll think of something later. Just play along for now," Crow whispered.

Tom, Gypsy and Cambot nodded in agreement.

The scientist sat down before them.

"Hello, Robots," he said. "I'm Dr Lyle. Who are you?"

Crow and Tom stared at him.

"We're not Little Richard and Tommy Kirk, if that's what you're thinking," said Tom.

"We're the Bots from the SOL," said Crow.

"I was looking for names, actually," said Dr Lyle.

"Oh. Gypsy? Give him the Robot Roll Call," said Tom, turning towards Gypsy.

Gypsy opened her mouth, and a clipboard slid out into Dr Lyle's hands.

"Ah," he said. "Cambot?"

Cambot buzzed in low.

Dr Lyle grinned weakly and pushed him aside.

"Gypsy?"

"Oh my stars!" cried Gypsy.

Dr Lyle stared at her.

"Tom Servo?"

"Check me out!" Tom said cockily.

Dr Lyle then looked at the last name, unsure how to pronounce it.

"Crooooow?" he asked.

"I'm different!" said Crow proudly.

Dr Lyle stared at them all.

"Um, okay. That's nice for you. Anyway, I'm here to conduct some experiments on you."

"Does it involve watching movies?" asked Tom.

"No."

"Good. We can't stand movies anymore after all we've gone through," said Crow.

"Such us?"

"Oh, there was a buffet of crappy movies on the Satellite of Love," said Tom. "We could name so many."

"_The Crawling Eye_, _Bloodlust_, _The_ _Creeping_ _Terror_, _Skydivers_…," said Crow.

"_Catalina_ _Caper_, _The_ _Sidehackers_, _The_ _Unearthly_, _The Atomic_ _Brain_…," said Tom.

"_Mitchell_, _the Brain That Wouldn't Die_, _the Last of the_ _Wild_ _Horses_, _the Deadly Mantis_…"

"And tons…"

"And tons…"

"And tons of shorts!" they ended together.

"Yay," said Gypsy.

Dr Lyle stared for a while.

"Right, well, Crow and Tom, you two shall be in the first experiment. I want you both in that chair over there," he said at last.

"Ah yes, save the tragedy for tomorrow, but have the comedy tonight," said Tom.

"Indeed."

* * *

Half an hour later, Crow and Tom had been attached to a giant chair and were hooked to a bunch of wires.

"I had no idea we had any outlets on us," commented Crow.

"This isn't the eye test where we read off letters, is it?" asked Tom. "I've never been good with that. I don't have any eyes."

"Well, we're about ready to conduct the test," said Dr Lyle.

"Conduct? I've never been comfortable with that word," said Crow.

"Don't worry. You're both completely safe."

Crow and Tom glanced at a sign on the control panel they were hooked to.

It said "DANGER. HIGH VOLTAGE. DO NOT STICK A SPOON IN HERE."

Dr Lyle noticed. "Oh, don't worry. That sign shouldn't even be there," he said.

But Crow and Tom continued to stare at it.

"I'll remove it if it bothers you," he said.

"It bothers us," said Tom.

"Bothers us like a bratty kid sitting behind us on an airplane to France," said Crow.

"Ooh, good one!"

Dr Lyle got out a small metal knife and attempted to remove the sign.

_**BRZAP!**_

"GGAAAAACK!" he screamed.

He froze and toppled to the floor.

Crow and Tom stared at him.

Then Crow started to look around.

"Is there a doctor in the house?" he shouted.

* * *

The next day, a new doctor came to see Tom and Crow.

"Hello, Mr Robot and Mr Servo. My name is Dr Paul," he said.

"If we ask you who you're replacing, do we get a cookie?" asked Tom sarcastically.

"Today, we want to try an experiment called numeric placing," said Dr Paul.

"Does it involve a plug in my butt and a man being fried?" asked Crow.

"No. No it doesn't."

"Well, sorry for seeming nervous. There's still a silhouette burnt into the floor."

Dr Paul glanced at the silhouette, and then laughed nervously.

"Well, we determined that Dr Lyle had a heart condition, and that his death was completely unrelated to the mild shock that he received."

"I'd start warming up the court summons if I were you," said Tom.

"I wouldn't worry about that."

"The man was cooked in his shoes! His glasses were fused to his skull! His hair caught fire a few seconds later!" Crow objected angrily.

Dr Paul groaned inwardly.

* * *

Later that day, a third doctor arrived.

"I'm Dr Ray," he said.

"Where's Dr Paul?" asked Crow.

"He's taking his vacation early."

"Did you hear about Dr Lyle?" asked Tom.

"Yep. Bad heart."

"Sticking to your alibi, eh? Can't sez I blame ya."

"Let's try some word association," Dr Ray said. "I'll say a word, and you two say something back."

"Bacon," said Crow.

Dr Ray looked at him.

"I haven't said anything yet."

"Well, nothing that piques my interest, at least."

"Sit."

"We are sitting," said Tom.

"No, that's the first word. Sit."

"Oh. Well, bacon."

"Sunrise."

"Breakfast," said Crow.

"Square."

"Meal," said Tom.

"Left."

"Overs," said Crow.

There was a pause.

"Are you two hungry? Can robots eat?" asked Dr Ray.

"We could stand a nibble, yes," said Tom.

* * *

An hour later, Crow and Tom had just finished a giant pile of fast food and candy. Wrappers were strewn everywhere.

"Feel better?" asked Dr Ray.

Crow made a fart noise.

"I do now," he said.

"May we proceed with the test?"

"Fire at will," said Tom.

"Okay. Here is the first word."

There was a pause as Crow and Tom just stared at him.

"Is there a problem?" he asked.

"No," said Crow, shaking his head.

"Okay. Here is the first word."

Another long pause.

"We're ready. Go ahead," said Tom.

"No! _Here_ is the first word! Here!" Dr Ray groaned.

"Are you toying with us?" asked Crow, getting agitated.

Dr Ray sighed.

"Let's try another word."

"Let's," said Tom.

"On."

"Off," said Crow.

"Up."

"Down," said Tom.

"Toast."

"Dr Lyle," said Crow and Tom.

There was a pause as Dr Ray glared at them.

"In."

"Out," said Crow.

"Cold."

"Dr Lyle," said Tom.

"Okay, we're done!" said Dr Ray, who got up and began to leave.

"The man had to be removed by a chimney sweep!" Crow said.

"And where's Gypsy?" demanded Tom.

* * *

In another room, Gypsy was being held by her tubing and being whipped around in circles.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! OH MY STARS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" she screamed.

She screamed louder as she spun faster.

* * *

Crow was positioned before another doctor.

He glared down at them.

"Hello. I'm Dr Mickey. I'm going to show you some inkblots."

Crow stared.

"Does this involve electric shock?" asked Crow.

"Let's just let that die," Dr Mickey sighed.

"Good choice of words."

Dr Mickey pulled out the first picture.

"Let's start with this one," he said. "Mr Robot?"

Crow looked long and hard at it.

"Dr Lyle struck me as a warm and gentle man who didn't have any reading comprehension," he said as he looked at it.

Dr Mickey glared hard at him.

* * *

And Gypsy continued to be spun around the room.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!! YOU ALL CAN JUMP UP MY TUBE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!" she hollered.

* * *

Tom was sat down in a room with his dome removed so that he couldn't see. He was drinking out of some cups.

He paused as he drank from the first.

"Hmmm…," he said. "This one is definitely the Dr Pepper."

* * *

Crow sat before a woman this time.

"Hello, I'm Dr Carnage," she said.

"Catchy," said Crow.

"Thank you. I'm going to show you some pictures."

"Of you?"

"No."

"Small miracle."

Dr Carnage glared.

"Identify these," she said.

"No lunch?"

"No lunch."

She held up a picture of a man with sunglasses and a beard.

"Identify this man."

"Ringo Starr. Can I ask you something? What's your opinion on the food around here?"

"Passable," she said. "Can you identify this?"

She held up a picture of a spaceship.

Crow groaned.

"I was wondering when that would come up," he said, rolling his eyes.

"Ah, are you aware of the Star Ship Enterprise?" she asked.

"I know it's an icon for dateless nerds with no lives or appeal," he said.

"And tell me about _your_ spaceship."

"Technically, it was _your_ spaceship," said Crow. "I was, in fact, built from certain pieces of the Satellite of Love. But now, the only place I could ever call home is destroyed. Everything I ever had is gone, except my friends and my large collection of _Tattoo _magazines."

"And what of your life, Mr Crow. Are you sad? What scares you?"

"Besides Coleman Francis and Hal Warren?"

"Yes."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

Crow motioned for her to come closer.

Dr Carnage leaned in.

"I'm a bit curious about the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy of Gizmonic Institute. I guess it works to your advantage, doesn't it?" he asked slyly.

Dr Carnage froze and stared at him.

* * *

Tom was placed in a cart with a helmet over his dome.

"Can I get a set of those little wings? I've been a good little pilot," he said.

"3…2…1…Engage."

_**BEEP!**_

_SHOOM!_

"WHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAA!!" Tom screamed as he was rocketed down a track.

_**CRASH!**_

"Quick! Get the jaws of life!" Tom wailed.

Crow, Gypsy and Cambot had been watching.

"Ooh," they moaned.


	3. Puma Man

Mike was sitting in his cell about four days later. He hadn't been doing anything really. He just sat around all day and waited for food or sleep.

The cell was very different from your usual cells. This one only had a small window with bars, and it was almost like a walk-in closet with a small bed and a sink, and the door was a regular door with a small slot over the top.

Mike was reading a book he had found lying around when the slot slid open.

A pair of eyes peered inside.

It was the doctor who had become friends with Mike and was revealed to be named Dr Solomon.

"Psst! Room service!" he hissed.

"Come on in," said Mike, lying back on the bed and putting the book away.

Dr Solomon entered.

"Hey there, little buddy. How're ya doing? Just thought I'd bring you a sandwich before your hearing. I didn't know how you like it, so I cut off the crust for you," he said, handing Mike the sandwich.

Mike took it unsurely.

"Oh. Thanks," he said.

"Hey, anything for a celebrity."

Mike grimaced.

"This is public?" he asked.

"Oh no, Gizmonic Institute is a top-secret organization owned by the government. I wouldn't worry about publicity," said Solomon reassuringly.

"Good. I can't believe this is happening. Being shot up into space was bad enough. Now I come back to Earth, and I wish I was back up there. At least up there all I had to do was watch a bad movie. Now I'm a private felon!"

"Well, what can you do?" Solomon sighed. "Ooh! Hey! Do you like Jalapeños?"

"Uh…sure," said Mike.

"Okay!"

Dr Solomon got up and walked away, singing a song.

"Jalapeños, jalapeños, getting my friend some jalapeños…," he sang as closed the door behind him.

Mike sighed and ate his sandwich.

* * *

An hour later, Mike was seated in a small interrogation room. 

The Gizmonic President was sitting before him.

"Mr Nelson," he said, "you have been charged with the crime of stealing and crashing our best ship, the Satellite of Love. How do you plea?"

"Innocent," said Mike.

"Mr Nelson, the ship was seen to be in geosynchronous orbit above Earth for seven years, only for it to disappear for a year, and then return for another two years before its return. We want to know how you survived up there."

"Well, first of all, I wasn't even in space for the full ten years. I was only up there for four and a half," said Mike.

"So who was manning the ship beforehand?"

"The guy who built the robots."

"And he is…?"

"I'd prefer not to name names, sir," Mike stated.

Mike didn't want to mention Joel. He figured Joel didn't need to be involved in this.

"I see," said the President. "Mr Nelson, you're not exactly helping out your case."

"Look, the man who _did_ steal the ship is dead now. There's no point in carrying this on!"

"Ah, so you had an accomplice!"

"No, he was my capturer. Dr Clayton Forrester. He was an employee here. He lived down in Deep 13!"

"That's the sub-basement of Gizmonic Institute. No one has access to it."

"Well, somehow, he got access, along with his assistant, TV's Frank."

"TV's Frank?"

"He's dead too. I'd rather not go into it. He was a nice guy."

The President sighed.

"Mr Nelson, I'm sorry, but so far, all we have are words and strange explanations. We're going to need to see some physical evidence in order for you to prove yourself. Until then, you will stay here," he said.

"What about the Bots?"

"Your robots are still under observation and experimentation."

"Experiments? What kind of experiments?"

* * *

Crow and Tom were dangling over a deep pit in a lab. 

"Okay, okay!" Crow shouted. "We'll stop mentioning Dr Lyle! Now let us go!"

"Crow, my head's disconnecting," whimpered Tom.

* * *

"Oh, don't worry. They'll be just fine. I've made it an order not for them to be destroyed," said the President. "They are property of Gizmonic Institute. You can go back to your cell now." 

Mike simply nodded and was escorted back to his room.

* * *

Mike sat on his bed. 

Dr Solomon was with him.

"Well?" he asked.

"I need physical evidence before I can go. Where the heck am I going to get that?"

"Well, you'd need a witness who could back you up, and perhaps some video evidence," Solomon said. "I don't suppose any video cameras were on the Satellite."

"None. The only camera was Cambot."

Then Mike looked up.

"And maybe…Cambot has the files from all the experiments logged somewhere in his software!" he said.

"Well, go get him and show the President," said Solomon.

"But…but I don't know where he is or how to operate him. I didn't build him. Joel's the only one who knows how because he built him, and he's all the way out in Osseo. I don't know how to get there from here!"

"We're in Montana," said Solomon.

Mike looked at him.

"What?"

"We're in Montana. The only person who lives here is Ted Turner."

Mike looked at him for a long time.

"Wow. Now the question is how do I get out of here and make contact with Joel. This isn't something you can do over the phone."

"What about the robots?"

"Well, I guess they'll have to come along," said Mike. "Can I borrow your cell phone?"

Solomon handed him the phone.

Mike dialed a number.

"Who are you calling?"

"I'm calling Crow. I gave him a cell phone for Christmas last year. This'll be his first call on it."

* * *

In the testing room, the Bots were preparing for another test. 

As they got their crash helmets on, they heard someone singing.

"…_why ya gotta make things so complicated…?_" a voice sang.

Everyone looked up.

All eyes turned to Crow.

"Uh, I'll get it," he muttered.

He pulled his phone out of…somewhere.

"Y'ello!" he said.

"Crow, its Mike."

"Mike! Buddy! Where ya been all this time?"

"Sitting in a cell staring at the wall. Is everybody okay?"

"Oh sure, we're fine. As robots, we can be subjected to disembowelment, stabbing, raping, slicing and Adam Sandler and come out of alive."

"That's nice. Listen, where are you?"

"Eh, we're suiting up for our one hundredth experiment in four days. We were thinking of cutting out early to celebrate the high number."

"Crow, listen. We've got to get to Osseo and get Joel and ask him to help us! He could go back through Cambot's files and pull up some form of evidence that we didn't steal the Satellite of Love. Just one of our conversations with Dr F would probably solve everything! You wouldn't have to go through so many tests!"

"Hey, anything to avoid be smashed around some more. There's only so much abuse one can take in five minutes."

"Good. Listen, I need you to elude the guards somehow. I'm going to try and escape. Can you meet me at the front gate in an hour?" Mike asked.

"Oh sure. No problem. We'll be there!"

"Great. See you then."

Mike hung up.

Crow put his phone away.

"Okay, he's the gist," he told the others. "We're bustin' out of this joint, guys."

"Busting out?!" gasped Gypsy. "Goodness, I don't know…"

"Why are we busting out?" asked Tom.

"Mike says Joel could go through Cambot's files and find some sort video of a converse with Dr Forrester. It would prove our innocence. We could do that, right, Cambot?"

Cambot nodded.

"Good! Come on! Let's get out of here!"

"How?" asked Tom.

"We'll start to go through with the test, and then when the door is clear, we make a break for it!"

"What if the door isn't clear?"

"Then there's a small chance we'll be blasted to pieces by an overdramatic guard and get ourselves killed."

"Cool!"

Gypsy shuddered.

* * *

Dr Solomon had dressed Mike up in a lab coat and given him a pair of plastic glasses with the fake nose and mustache attached. 

They checked the hallways and crept quietly down the hall.

As they walked, the door next to them suddenly opened.

They slammed themselves against the wall quickly.

A woman in a lab coat exited reading from a clipboard. She noticed Mike and Solomon.

Mike froze.

"Doctor," he said at last.

"Doctor," said Solomon.

Mike and Solomon faced each other.

"Doctor," said Mike, nodding.

"Doctor," said Solomon, doing the same.

The woman simply walked on down the hall.

"That's right. We're doctors," said Mike.

"Doctors in the hallway," said Solomon.

She disappeared around the corner.

They both nearly collapsed.

"Huh boy, that was close," sighed Mike.

Solomon led him in the opposite direction.

* * *

Crow, Tom, Gypsy and Cambot were positioned before a giant cliff. 

"Now you're going to jump off the ledge, and we'll see if you survive," said the official.

Crow stared at him.

"What the hell do you think we are? Lemmings?" he demanded.

"Just do it, Mr Robot," sighed the official.

"Yeah, Crow, it won't be that bad," said Tom.

"Yeah, it's okay for _you_ because you can hover your way down," Crow snapped. "It's time to put the plan into action anyway."

"What plan?" asked the official, approaching him.

"_This_ plan! Get him, Gyps!" ordered Crow.

Gypsy swung around and knocked the official to the ground, knocking him unconscious.

"Run!" shouted Tom.

The four Bots ran for the door.

Gypsy rammed it down, and they tore down the hallway.

Alarms started blaring.

Security guards burst from the rooms started zooming after them.

Crow, Tom, Gypsy and Cambot climbed up and down flights of stairs.

They then started making their way through another hallway.

The guards found them and chased after them.

As they ran, they passed a water fountain.

Crow jumped on top of it as he passed, causing it to fall and spray water everywhere, also causing the guards to slip and fall and pile up.

As they ran down another hall, Tom and Cambot flew up towards a support beam and knocked it loose.

As Crow and Gypsy ran under it, the beam suddenly swung down and knocked through the guards like bowling pins.

Then the Bots ran through a room marked the INVENTING ROOM.

Various machines were swinging out around them and sparks flew everywhere.

The Bots had to maneuver carefully around the swinging pendulums and blasting lasers.

Just then, a guard appeared before them.

"Stop right there!" he shouted.

"Doing a shabby job there, constable!" said Crow. He reached up and smacked the guard with his metal claw.

"Ow!" the guard wailed.

"Quick!" said Crow. "After me!"

Crow tore off down an aisle of inventions with Tom, Gypsy and Cambot right behind him.

The guard recovered and gave chase.

Crow and Tom riffed at him the entire way.

"Cut us off at the pass, boys!" mocked Tom.

"All units in hot pursuit of four robots," said Crow.

Then suddenly, the Bots were all in eight places at once.

The guard was surrounded by mirrors. Seven were only reflections.

No one said a word.

The guard pulled out a flashlight and shined it on ahead.

The light reflected off the mirrors until he turned it towards the bots. It didn't reflect the same way.

"Well, now you're just cheating," complained Gypsy.

They all turned and ran.

Next they ran through a holographic image of New York.

Tom sang as they ran through.

"Autumn in fake New York…!" he hummed.

They passed through that, and then they all dove into an elevator.

When they emerged at the top, they ran across a bridge to the other side.

"Don't follow us!" called Crow.

The guard ran after them.

As they ran, Tom loosened a trap door in the middle of the bridge, causing the guard to fall through it.

"YYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHH!" he screamed.

He plummeted into a pool of whipped cream that was part of an invention.

"Hmmm, a plot device," commented Crow, who had seen it.

"Quick, there's a way out over here!" yelled Gypsy.

They pushed the door open and ran around the building shaped like a G towards the front.

When they got there, they saw Mike opening the front door.

"Hey, way to go guys. Did you shake them?"

"More like we whipped them," said Tom.

Solomon appeared, holding a set of keys.

"You can use the utility van to get out of here. It's the only way," he said.

"Why don't we take an airplane?" asked Gypsy.

"Because then it wouldn't be a road movie!" said Crow.

"I call shotgun!" said Tom.

They all piled into the nearby van.

Mike turned to the Solomon.

"Good luck, man. Don't get killed," he said.

"You've been a big help," said Mike, giving his disguise back. "I owe you one."

Mike climbed into the driver's seat.

"Mike, can I drive?" asked Crow.

Mike just shoved Crow into the back with Gypsy and Cambot.

They drove out of Gizmonic Institute.


	4. The Unearthly

Unfortunately, Mike's escape did not go unnoticed.

And as you know, the Bots' escape _did_ go noticed.

And as the two parties were friends, it was concluded they escaped together, and so Gizmonic Institute ordered for spies to be sent out to find them at once.

Dr Solomon was left with having to go before the President.

"How did they escape?!" demanded the President.

Solomon stared for a while.

"Ummm…they left?" he guessed.

The President stood up and towered over Solomon.

"I want them back here by the end of the week," he growled.

"But…but we don't know where they went," Dr Solomon said, trying to cover for Mike.

"That won't stop us. I want them back in seven days, and if _you _won't do it, _I_ will!"

Dr Solomon gulped and nodded.

"Dismissed, Solomon," President said.

The worried doctor got up and left the office. He wasn't sure what to do, but he knew Mike and the Bots had better hurry to Minnesota and fast.

* * *

The President was brought before the council of Gizmonic Institute.

"This only _proves_ that he's guilty," said Dr Mickey. "We need to catch him and fast."

"We need his robots," said Dr Carnage. "If we can catch the robots, we can get him back here."

"But how would we go about getting them?" asked the President.

Dr Ray stood up.

"Well, sir, as an invention facility, we have been able to create just the thing to capture the robots," he said proudly.

"What do we have?"

Dr Paul pulled out a laptop computer. It had a small plastic satellite-like thing on it.

"This is Condensed Teleporter, or the CT for short. It sends out a stream of electrons that can rearrange the molecular structure of an object, and reconstruct it…elsewhere, for lack of a better term," he said.

The President looked at it.

"Does it work?" he asked.

"The best we can tell, yes," said Dr Carnage. "Allow us to demonstrate. Remember that investigation about Dr Lyle?"

He pointed the CT at a bag marked "DR LYLE IS NOT IN HERE", and he typed a few things into the laptop. The beam hummed and clicked, and then it released as flow bright electrons right at the bag.

_**BRZAAP!**_

FOOM!

The President stared.

There was a small wisp of smoke flying off of the place where the bag had been.

Everyone let out a low whistle.

The President looked back at Dr Paul.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" he asked.

The Doctors simply glowered.

"It couldn't be better," said Dr Paul.

"All right, team. Let's catch those Bots," said the President.

* * *

A siren went off all over the Gizmo-Making building.

Cars and trucks flowed out of the building and down the road like a rambling river.

Dr Paul watched them from his window.

"Take _this_, Nelson," he growled.

* * *

The old military van bumped and bounced along the highway and through a city.

The Bots were marveling at it.

"Is this seriously Earth?" asked Tom.

"What did you guys expect exactly?" asked Mike.

"Well, it looks more realistic than what we're used to."

"Yeah, after nearly two hundred crappy movies and plain photographs, we actually are impressed with the quality of the reality," said Crow.

Gypsy was staring at all the fast-food joints.

"Oh my stars!" she said. "What a strange town! It _reeks_ of high-cholesterol!"

"Well, we're in an American town. You'll see a lot of those," said Mike.

The Bots continued to marvel at the modern world.

"Hey, Sears! That's where babies come from!" said Gypsy.

Mike stared at her through the rearview mirror.

"_What_?" he asked.

"She asked Joel that question once, and he panicked," whispered Tom.

"What do you guys want to do while we're here?" asked Gypsy.

"Let's go find Coleman Francis' grave and spit on it!" said Crow.

"Uh, let's not," said Mike. "We're going to try and stop a few times during the drive. Nothing but gas, food and sleep for us."

"You're boring," snorted Tom.

"Yeah, let's find a college campus and join a frat party! Free beer, Mike!" Crow said.

Mike simply shoved Crow into the back again.

"I'm getting sick of shoving you out of here," Mike muttered.

"That's my plan in a nutshell," said Crow.

Then Mike noticed something on the dashboard.

"What the hell…?" asked Tom, also noticing.

It was a red dot slowly making its way across the dash.

"It looks like a laser pointer," commented Mike.

"Where's it coming from?" asked Gypsy.

Crow looked out the back window.

"Well, unless I'm mistaken, I'm gonna guess that it's those fellas in the helicopter up there that says _Gizmo _on it," he said.

Mike noticed a giant black helicopter was coming dangerously low to them.

"Oh for crying out loud," he muttered.

"Mike, you're not quite selling the whole 'Earth is good' concept," said Tom angrily.

Mike gulped and quickly swerved the van out of the way of the pointer.

"WHAAA!!" cried the Bots.

_**Pow!**_

A gunshot was heard being fired at them.

Then the red dot returned.

Mike swerved away again.

"WHOAAA!" screamed the Bots, falling to the other side now.

"Mike, what the hell are you doing, you big mook?!" Crow demanded, getting to his feet.

"The red dot is the aim for a gun!" said Mike frantically. "Unless we can avoid the dot, we're all gonna be shot and killed!"

"Oh great," moaned Tom, who was starting to cry. "I'll never see my turtle again!"

"Don't panic!" Mike ordered.

_**CLANK!**_

"AAAAAHH!" screamed Crow and Gypsy.

Mike looked and saw that a giant metal hook had sliced its way through the ceiling of the van and come inches from slicing them.

"START PANICKING!" screamed Mike.

"Okay, baby! Out, out, out!" Gypsy ordered.

She somehow managed to get Mike into the back with Crow and Cambot, and then get into the driver's seat behind the wheel.

"Go for it, Gyps!" cheered Crow.

Gypsy took control of the van and started to drive faster.

Cars swerved to make way for her.

And up above, the Gizmocrats in the helicopter were trying to keep control and operate the CT.

They were able to open up the main menu, but a few things were going wrong.

"What's this thing called the internet?" asked Dr Carnage.

"GET THEM!" shouted Dr Paul.

They flew down lower, and then began to slow down.

The rope connected to the hook connected to the roof suddenly ripped it off!

Metal grinded and pieces shattered as the van suddenly became a convertible.

Mike, Crow, Tom and Cambot stared at the ceiling as it was hoisted away.

"Oh, this is gonna drive the insurance guys _crazy_!" moaned Crow.

"Hang on!" yelled Gypsy.

She suddenly swerved.

Mike, Crow, Tom and Cambot were tossed around in the back.

Cambot finally opted to hide under the seat.

The red dot appeared on the dash again.

"Gypsy! The dot's back!" shrieked Mike.

Gypsy then drove onto the sidewalk, causing people to flee.

"Excuse us! Pardon! Sorry about your dress, ma'am!" Mike shouted as they passed people.

The car nearly hit a few people!

Crow quickly leaned forward and honked the horn as Gypsy navigated to avoid everyone.

The helicopter tried to keep up with Gypsy's spastic driving.

Finally, Gypsy was behind a flatbed truck with a low ramp on the back. She carefully drove up the ramp and hid the van behind the cargo so the driver wouldn't be bothered.

Unfortunately, this left them with nowhere to run.

"We're trapped!" Tom wept. "We're done for! _Done for_!"

Mike and Crow stared at him as he blubbered.

"Look out!" Mike finally said.

The red dot focused on his forehead.

Mike ducked out of the way just as a shot was fired.

_**POW!**_

"MIKE!" screamed the Bots.

"It's okay! They didn't get me. The dot's only small. It'll be hard to get us."

Suddenly, a giant red dot appeared, covering them all!

Mike and the Bots slowly looked up and saw a giant machine gun.

"_That's_ more like it," Mike whimpered.

Everyone huddled together and cowered.

On the helicopter, the pilots finally got the CT working.

"Fly her in carefully," hissed Dr Paul. "Here we go!"

The CT booted up and let out a long blast of electrons at the Bots!

Or at least, that's what was _supposed _to happen.

Instead, the blast hit the window of the helicopter, engulfing the entire craft.

"Whoops," said the Dr Paul. "What's happening?"

"I think we've teleported the wrong machine," said Dr Carnage.

She was right. The helicopter was taken away.

_**BRZZAP!**_

FOOM!

Dr Paul and Dr Carnage floated in midair for a second, and then plummeted onto a truck that was heading in the opposite direction.

Mike and the Bots, now temporarily out of danger, continued on.


	5. Catalina Caper

Back at Gizmonic Institute, Dr Carnage was sitting in a booth of some kind. As she sat, she randomly swatted at a fly.

Dr Ray entered the room with a pot of coffee, but he spilt it on the counter.

The coffee melted through the countertop, making a loud _**HISS!**_

"Shoot," muttered Dr Ray.

"You weren't concentrating again," sighed Dr Carnage, swatting at the fly some more. "It's your own fault for making the coffee so damn hot."

Dr Ray shot a glare at her.

"What are _you_ doing in the Cleansing Booth?" he asked curtly.

"I had a naughty thought today, and I was informed by Dr Paul to sit in here and think about all the ways I could put all that negative thinking into something useful for my next invention. Then I could come out again," she said.

Dr Ray snorted.

"He's constantly coming up with the dumbest ideas ever," he said. "I don't care if he _does_ outrank us. He's just trying to make this a terrible place for us lower-techies."

He didn't notice that Dr Paul was coming up behind him.

"Um, Ray…?" said Dr Carnage, motioning behind him.

"Dr Paul says," continued Dr Ray, "that the harder we work, the less we'll need his so-called 'assistance'."

"Assistance? _You_?!" Dr Paul snorted.

Dr Ray spilled more of the really hot coffee on the counter in shock.

Dr Paul laughed.

"Dear Dr Ray, you'll _always _need help. Do you know why?"

"Uh…"

"It's because you're a cowardly weasel of a man who couldn't harm a fly! _That's _why!" said Dr Paul, getting really close to his face.

"Am not!" said Dr Ray, somewhat pathetically.

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"ARE TOO!"

Dr Ray toppled over, nearly spilling the coffee on him.

Dr Solomon entered.

"What's going on in here?!" he demanded.

"Back off, Curly!" snarled Dr Paul.

"Hey now…," said Solomon, patting his hair gently.

Dr Paul stood before them all.

"Now then, we've been given a job to find that Mike Nelson and his robotic cohorts!" he said. "We're going to destroy the Bots, and lock Mr Nelson away forever!"

"Why?" asked Dr Solomon. "They seem harmless to me."

"Because they _mock_ us! They _taunt _us! They _tease _us! And worst of all and this is what _really_ gets me… They _dare_ to _riff_ us!" he said, putting them emphasis on 'riff'.

"I see," said Dr Solomon. "Well, the robots were designed to be funny and sarcastic wisecrackers. I see no harm in them. I mean, it's not like they're a threat to human society."

"Ha! Tell that to the President!" snorted Dr Ray, who was just now getting back up.

"Why?"

"Because we've _told_ our Gizmonic President that they are criminally dangerous, and they conspired with Mr Nelson, and are out to rule the world!" said Dr Paul.

"Why would you do that?!" Dr Solomon asked.

"Because they riffed us!" said Dr Carnage, swatting at the fly again.

"So? You guys are pretty riffable."

Dr Paul glared at Dr Solomon.

"Solomon, do you _like_ your job?"

"I _love_ my job. But there is a thing as too much love, and let me tell you all that you're _really_ gonna have to get a sense of humor. If you can't take it, just leave it alone."

"You're a wimp, Solomon, and that's what'll do you in," hissed Dr Paul. "Good day, sir."

He turned on his heel and left.

Dr Solomon watched him leave, and then glanced at Dr Ray and his pot of coffee.

"Ray, your coffee is burning through the pot again. You might want to get a mop," he said as he left.

Dr Ray nodded sheepishly and put the pot in the sink.

Dr Carnage swatted at the fly a few more times before Dr Ray finally ran back in and swatted it dead.

Dr Carnage stared at it.

"_I_ wanted to do that!" she yelled.

* * *

Meanwhile, the truck that carried the destroyed van that Mike and the Bots had been riding was coming to a stop at a truck stop in North Dakota.

Once they were sure they'd stopped, Mike motioned for them all to make a mad dash away from the truck before they were seen.

"Phew!" said Mike. "I think we shook 'em."

"Yeah," said Crow. "Otherwise, that would have been a really embarrassing reenactment of a scene from _The Final Sacrifice_."

"What do we do now?" asked Gypsy.

"I opt we grab a bite at the Waffle House over there," said Tom.

Mike agreed, and they all crossed the street to the restaurant.

When they got there, there was a strange reaction.

Or should I say _no_ reaction.

No one seemed to care that a man wearing a blue jumpsuit and four robots had just entered.

They got a booth and looked at the menus.

The waitress came up.

"Smile, you gloomies," she said perkily. "It's a sunny day here at Waffle House!"

Gypsy moaned.

"It's not sunny because we're being attacked by a bunch of idiots from a top-secret laboratory!" she said.

"Well, turn that frown upside down and drown your sorrows in maple syrup!" said the waitress, handing them some bottles of syrup.

Mike glanced out the window.

"I'm just hoping those guys and their helicopter are gone," he said.

Tom sniffed. "I've got some nasty stench matted into frames from that van!" he snorted.

"And we're still going to be attacked again," sighed Gypsy.

"What was that thing that made their helicopter disappear?" asked Crow.

"Probably another Gizmo from Gizmonic Institute," said Mike. "If they find us again, that thing could probably destroy us all!"

"What? Even a robot as studly as me?" Crow asked, shocked.

Mike sighed. "Yes, Crow. Even you."

Crow went to say something, but then he sniffed Tom.

"Phew! Say it! Don't spray it, Servo!" he said.

Tom grunted. "That does it. I'm gonna use the restroom sink to clean up. I'll be back in a bit."

Tom started to leave.

"You're just gonna smell worse when you come out," Mike warned.

"Whatever," Tom muttered, and he made his way towards the men's room.

Once in there, Tom filled up the sink with water and soap, and then doused himself in.

"Ohhh… _Much _better," he sighed, sinking further into the soap.

Soon, he had sunk to the point that no one would see him.

Just then, the door opened.

Tom looked up.

Two people wearing suits entered. They entered the two stalls simultaneously.

Tom didn't pay attention until they started talking.

"We've tracked the robots to _this_ building," said a voice. "Once we've finished with the burritos from last night, we lock the place up and capture them."

"Why are you telling me this while I'm on the can?" the other voice demanded.

"Just in case you forgot."

Tom managed to snap out of his daze long enough to hear that main part. He immediately exploded from the sink.

_**KA-SPLOOSH!**_

Water and soap flopped and slopped as Tom Servo hovered and flew away.

"What was that?!" a voice yelled.

"It was a robot! Smash him!" yelled the second.

"But I'm doing number two right now!"

One of them got up in a hurry and accidentally rammed into a locked door, and then stumbled around with his pants around his ankles, and in the process of trying to pull them up again, caused the stalls to tip over and collapse around them.

"Ouch!" they shouted as everything tumbled down.

_**CRASH!**_

Tom Servo rocketed up to Mike, Crow, Gypsy and Cambot.

"We've been located!" he cried. "The Gizmocrats are here!"

"What?! Where?!" asked Mike.

The restroom door burst open, allowing two very smelly and undignified agents to come tumbling out.

"What an entrance," sighed Crow.

"Run!" Mike whispered, grabbing Tom and Cambot in his arms and making a run for the door.

Crow and Gypsy followed.

They exploded from the Waffle House and made a run down the street.

Mike quickly waved at a bus that was coming, and it pulled over.

Everyone piled in.

"Excuse me, how far does this bus go?" he asked.

"To the east end of the state," replied the driver.

"Excellent."

Mike put a few quarters in the machine, and they went to the back to sit down.

Mike was in a bench alone so he could get comfortable.

Crow and Tom took the seat across from him.

Gypsy sat in the back, seeing as how she was the biggest.

"How long will this take, Mike?" Crow asked.

"Probably a few hours at the most," Mike replied.

"Uhhh, I want ice cream!" Tom whined.

"Yeah, me too!" Crow whined.

"Copycat!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"QUIET!" Gypsy ordered.

"Yes, Gypsy," Crow and Tom muttered.

Mike groaned.

"This is gonna be a long trip," he moaned.

He was beginning to miss his cell.


	6. Mitchell

Six hours and two gas stations later, Mike and the Bots were brought into Minnesota.

They watched the bus as it turned around and head back.

"Aw, shoot!" Tom said angrily.

"What?" Gypsy asked.

"I left my gum under the seat!"

The others glared at him.

"Let's go," said Mike, who was reading a map. "According to this map, we still got a long ways to go. It's gonna be a long walk."

"What?! _Walk_?!?" Crow gasped.

"Yes, we're gonna walk," said Mike, folding the map and putting it in his jumpsuit's pocket.

Crow's eyes suddenly started to bug out and in, and suddenly, he collapsed to the ground. In the process, his net popped off again.

"Crow?!" Mike asked, getting down next to him.

"Ooh, Michael! Oh, Tom! Oh, Gypsy! Oh, Cambot!" Crow wailed. "I'm dying! My foot's twisted! My claws are weak! My elbow rivets are loose! Give it to me straight! Will I ever play the drums again?!"

"Crow, you big sissy," Tom sighed. "Get the hell up and stop your whining."

"Spoken like a robot without legs," said Crow scornfully.

"Come on, Crow. Just until we can get a little further along," said Mike, reconnecting Crow's net to his head.

"But what about when the Gizmocrats show up?" Crow asked frantically. "We'll never be able to outrun them!"

"We'll worry about them when they show up," said Mike, helping him up.

_**POW!**_

A laser had just barely missed them.

They all stared at the source of the beam.

It was a helicopter with a device aimed right at them.

"And now, lady and gentlemen, we worry," said Mike.

Mike and the Bots tore away from gaping and ran.

In the cockpit, Dr Paul was directing Dr Mickey.

"Zap them!" he ordered.

"Well, I'd like to, Sam, but I'm quite busy with my patent papers," said Dr Mickey.

Dr Paul glared at him.

"Don't…_ever_ do that again," he snarled.

"Sorry."

Dr Mickey leaned the helicopter down a little lower towards his targets.

"Oh geez!" said Tom, revving his hoverskirt to full power.

_**POW! POW! POW!**_

Gypsy shrieked and Cambot dodged some more blasts.

"Look!" said Mike triumphantly.

They saw that freight train slowly lumbering by.

"I didn't know there were railroads on the Minnesota border," said Tom.

"It's called a _deus ex machina_," said Crow.

"All aboard!" Mike crowed.

The tail of train was slowly traveling away from them.

Mike and the Bots tore after it.

It was easy for Cambot, who quickly flew up to the roof.

It was incredibly difficult for Gypsy. She had no appendages and a long tube for a body. I won't go into how she did it.

Crow, who was built rather similarly to a human, ran down after it and grabbed the ladder on the last boxcar with his claw. He managed to climb up.

Mike followed directly after in the same fashion.

Tom was hovering as fast as he could to catch up, but he was rapidly falling behind.

Frantically, Mike reached out and grabbed Tom's hand, and the slinky arm stretched.

"MOMMY! MOMMY! I DON'T WANNA DIE! OW! OW! OW!" Tom shrieked.

It was difficult for Mike to climb up the ladder and hold onto Tom at the same time, but he soon reached the top.

"TOM! ADD MORE POWER!" Gypsy cried.

Tom revved harder and harder until his hoverskirt pushed him forward and closer to the others.

"Phew! Thanks," Tom gasped.

"Quick!" said Mike. "We need to get closer to the front of the train."

The gang ran as fast as they could down the boxcars, leaping them all as they went.

"And we're at the 30, the 20, the 10! No one can catch us!" Tom riffed.

"Now this is _true _Olympics!" said Crow. "Eat our dust, hurtle jumpers!"

"Over the boxcar and around the train to Robinson's house we go!" Mike sang.

The helicopter dipped a little closer.

Tom dared to look back.

"RUN!" he yelled frantically.

Mike and the Bots put a little 'oomph' in the sprints.

"ZAP THEM! NOW!" Dr Paul hollered.

Dr Mickey frantically typed in some passwords into the CT.

Unfortunately, he put the wrong coordinates in, and the little laser aimed at Dr Paul instead.

"FIRE!" Dr Paul said, pointing at Mike and the Bots.

_**ZAP!**_

Dr Mickey looked confused.

Then he looked to his left.

A little wisp of smoke was left floating where his evil overlord had been sitting.

"Whoops," said Dr Mickey.

Dr Paul wound up being transported, molecule by molecule, down to the train.

Darn.

_**POW!**_

Mike and the Bots whipped around.

Dr Paul looked very dizzy, but still had an angry glint in his eyes.

"YOU!" he howled. "YOU'RE STILL UNDER ARREST FOR STEALING AND CRASHING A SHIP!"

"Hey, you're the first doctor after the so-called heart failure of Dr Lyle!" Tom said.

"Yeah, I thought you'd only have a bit part in this story!" Crow added.

Dr Paul glared angrily at them.

Mike gulped and looked back at him.

The Bots huddled behind him.

"What if he sets us on fire?!" asked Gypsy.

"Then Mike will put us out!" said Tom.

"But what if he has a weapon?!"

"Then Mike will unarm him!" said Crow.

"But what if he knows karate?!"

"Then Mike will die!" said Tom.

"And then we'll have to take over," added Crow.

Cambot simply nodded.

Mike looked back at the Bots.

"Okay, guys," he said. "I think we've seen enough movies to know what to do here."

"We run away?" asked Tom.

"Bingo. On Mitchell. One…two…three!"

"MITCHELL!" everyone said.

They turned and tore down the freight train.

"GRRR!" Dr Paul growled. He hobbled after them, still woozy from his journey.

* * *

Dr Mickey followed on in his helicopter, stilling trying to learn the ways of the CT.

"Press any key to continue…," he said, reading a new window. "Which key is Any Key?"

* * *

Mike and the Bots bravely leaped over the gap between two boxcars.

But now there were some flatcars just ahead.

Mike prayed for someone to smile down on him as he jumped down the ladder and started to climb over.

Crow and Tom helped poor Gypsy along the way.

"Oh my stars!" Gypsy wailed, feeling as though she could cry.

"Hang on, Gyps. You can do it," said Crow, helping her keep her balance.

Dr Paul leapt dramatically down from his flatcar…

…only to fall into a crate.

"Ow!" he shouted.

Mike and the Bots struggled as quickly as they could across the train, finally reaching another boxcar.

As they helped Gypsy up the ladder, Mike saw Dr Paul jump over onto their flatcar.

"Now I'll get you, Nelson, and your little robots too!" he yelled.

"No you won't because the magic that you refuse to believe in will get the better of you!" Mike retorted.

Crow and Tom stared at him.

"I dunno…," Mike replied.

Crow and Tom scurried Gypsy and themselves up the ladder, and Cambot followed closely.

Mike followed them as fast as he could.

Dr Paul almost got him, but then Mike kicked him in the face, knocking him down and giving him a black eye.

"DAMN YOU!" Dr Paul shouted, holding his swelling eye.

Mike made it to the top.

"Come on, guys!" he said.

The Guys scurried along.

Dr Paul regained his senses and hurried after them.

They hopped up and over gaps and hung on during the curves.

Then Crow saw something.

"Tunnel!" he yelled.

Indeed, a tunnel was coming.

It was very low.

"Duck!" Mike shouted.

Mike, Crow and Gypsy jumped down onto the boxcars.

Tom got down on his back as well, praying his gumball machine head wouldn't get hurt.

Cambot attempted to sit still on the roof, but his round body caused him to roll to the side.

Crow reached out and saved him just in time.

Then, just to be safe, Mike reached over and turned Crow's net around so that it wouldn't get knocked off.

"Thanks, Mike," Crow said.

Dr Paul finally caught up.

"Ha!" he snorted. "Cowards!"

"Hey, buddy! You might want to get out of the way!" Gypsy warned.

"Huh?"

Dr Paul looked up.

The tunnel was almost on them.

"Oh."

_**WHAM!**_

Mike didn't dare look back. He knew he'd get killed by the ceiling.

Besides, he knew Dr Paul had just been smacked by the tunnel.

Dr Paul was thrown off the boxcar and into the gap, only to grab onto the ladder on the way.

"Ouch," he moaned.

Up above them, Dr Mickey piloted the helicopter over the tunnel.

He had finally gotten the CT working.

"Okay, four robots up for transporting," he said.

And he waited for the train to exit the tunnel.

At the bottom, the train rocketed out of the tunnel, and five boxcars later, Mike and the Bots emerged.

Everyone got up again.

Mike helped Crow turn his net back around.

"Phew! That was close," Mike gasped. "Good work everyone. I think we shook him."

"That's what you think!"

Everyone looked back.

"Whoa!" said Tom. "So _that's_ a broken nose!"

Dr Paul was holding his nose in agony and fury.

"You just wait!" he said in a nasal voice. "I can still strangle a man even with one hand."

Just then, the helicopter came in lower and closer.

"Mike, I've got a feeling that _that_ guy isn't a train spotter," said Crow.

"Yes!" Dr Paul shouted. "Get them!"

Dr Mickey complied and leaned the CT out the window so that it wouldn't bounce back and take out the helicopter again.

_**ZAP!**_

The laser shot straight at Tom Servo's head.

"AAAAAHH!!" Tom screamed.

But rather than harm him, it bounced off his gumball machine bulb and headed for Crow instead.

"MIKE!" Crow wailed.

But fortunately, the blast ricocheted against Crow's net, causing it to jump towards Cambot.

Cambot reacted quickly. The blast hit him in his camera eye, and, acting quickly, Cambot turned slightly and redirected the blast in another direction.

The blast was redirected towards the gap between one boxcar and the other.

_**BRZAP!**_

Mike and the Bots ran to the gap and looked.

It had caused the connecting bolt between the two cars to vanish.

And slowly but surely, their half of the train was being left behind.

Mike and Crow quickly hoisted up Gypsy and hurled her across the growing gap, followed by Tom Servo and Cambot, who flew after.

"Mike, I'm scared!" Crow whimpered. "I don't think I can make it! I don't think—!"

"Crow, you don't have time to be afraid! You have to jump!" Mike said urgently.

"Yeah, yeah, sure," Crow said, watching the gap grow. "Uh, one for the honey, two for the road, three to get Freddy, and—OUCH! HEY!"

Mike picked Crow up and hurled him to safety.

Dr Paul was almost on him, but Mike dared to jump in the air.

"MIKE!" the Bots shrieked.

Mike felt as though time had slowed down. He reached for the boxcar that was still drawing ahead.

He missed.

Mike hit the ground.

Everyone stared.

"MIKE!" the Bots yelled again.

"MIKE, YOU FOOL! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT, YOU DUMB MAN?!" Crow shouted.

Fortunately, all Mike got was a lot aches and a cut on his forehead. He managed to find it in him to get up.

That's when the Bots had an idea.

Crow, Tom Servo and Gypsy formed a chain, and soon they were draped over the edge of the boxcar.

"MIKE, COME ON!" shouted Tom. "GRAB MY HAND!"

Mike stared at his robot friends.

Then, suddenly inspired, he tore after them.

Dr Paul stared.

It was then that he realized his half of the train was slowly backing away.

"Aw shoot," he muttered.

He was heading for the tunnel again.

This time, he got down.

As Dr Paul disappeared, Mike tore after the train.

Gypsy had Crow's legs around her tube, and Crow was stretched out on his back with his arms outstretched, holding Tom by his hoverskirt. Tom's slinky arm was stretched out for Mike to grab.

"Come on, Mike! You can do it!" Gypsy said encouragingly.

"Yeah, run for it, Mike, you puss!" Crow yelled.

"Come on! A little further! Come on!" Tom added.

But Mike was beginning to slow down.

"I…I don't think I can make it!" he gasped. "I don't think…"

Then he saw poor little Cambot, who was hovering nearby, nodding at him to hurry.

Then Mike saw that a trestle bridge was approaching.

Michael John Nelson suddenly felt inspired.

Yes, that's his full name. I checked.

"I _can_ make it! _I __can__ make it_!" Mike said determinedly.

Mike ran a little more and lunged forward. He grabbed on to Tom's little inanimate hand.

Immediately, Gypsy dragged the boys back onto the boxcar, and Mike climbed up the ladder the rest of the way.

"YAY! HOORAY!" everyone cheered.

Mike huddled around the Bots.

"Oh, thanks, guys. What would I do without you?" he sighed.

Everyone hugged.

Crow looked up.

"Hey, the helicopter's turning around," he said.

"Then we're in the clear for now," said Mike. "Now let's work on our alibis for if we get caught. Gypsy?"

"It was Servo," said Gypsy.

"Crow?"

"It was Servo," said Crow.

"Cambot?"

Cambot nodded towards Tom.

"Servo?"

"It was me," said Tom.

* * *

Dr Paul finally emerged from the tunnel, and he was rocketed down the tracks through the valley.

"Oh, this is just piling up the paperwork!" he moaned.

Then he saw one Hail Mary of a curve.

"Son of a…," he muttered.

_**CRASH!**_

The freight cars began to leap the tracks and pile up.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—"

Dr Paul's screaming was cut off by a _**ZAP!**_

Dr Mickey had fired the CT at him just in time. Dr Paul reappeared next to him.

"—AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaahhhh…," Dr Paul screeched as he slowly realized where he was.

There was an awkward pause as they watched the destruction settle.

"Uh, maybe we should leave," Dr Mickey suggested.

"Agreed. Take us away," said Dr Paul.


	7. Soultaker

The train stopped in a train station, and when no one was looking, Mike and the Bots quickly ran away.

Next, Mike went to the gas station to find out where they were.

Crow, Tom, Gypsy and Cambot waited outside.

As they waited, a little boy walked up to Tom Servo.

The Bots watched him curiously.

The boy pulled out a quarter and tried to find a place to insert it into Tom.

Crow and Gypsy tried hard not to laugh too hard.

Tom finally got annoyed.

"Hey, kid. Do you _see_ any candy in there?" he said sharply.

"AAAAAAHH! TALKING GUMBALL MACHINE!" the kid screamed, running away.

Crow laughed.

"Shut up, shut up, _shut up_!!" Tom hissed angrily.

Just then, Mike came out.

"Good news. We're just one town over. I've got directions to Joel's restaurant. Let's hope he can help us."

"I hope he can," said Crow. "Otherwise we just went through this entire movie for no good reason."

They began walking down the road.

It was silent for a little while before finally, Tom started to sing.

"Oh, I wish I was back in old Canada. A land which I never shall lampoon! How I pine for the ice covering Lake Manitoba, and the beauty that is Saskatoon!" he sang.

"Shut up!" Mike and Crow yelled.

* * *

Dr Paul was back at Gizmonic Institute now, just exiting the hospital. He had one of those goofy-looking nose casts, and he was bandaged heavily in the head area.

When he walked into the meeting room, everyone looked and started snickering.

"It didn't go so well, did it?" Dr Solomon chuckled.

"Shaddup," Dr Paul growled, nasally.

"Squeak if you will, but so far, the CT hasn't really been doing its job, has it?" Dr Solomon went on. "In fact, I'm beginning to think this is getting kind of…stupid, actually."

"One more try," said Dr Paul, picking up the CT and grabbing Dr Ray by the arm. "Third time's the charm."

Dr Paul dragged Dr Ray out of the room.

"Where're we going?!" Dr Ray asked.

"You're getting your money's worth," Dr Paul grunted.

* * *

Mike and the Bots looked up at the building before them.

A sign said "Hot Fish Shop".

Below, it said, "Good food isn't cheap, and cheap food isn't good."

Mike glanced at the Bots, and then led them inside.

The place reeked of the sea, but it was a welcome stench at the moment.

"Oh my stars…," Gypsy breathed.

"Let's find Joel," said Mike.

Mike, Crow and Tom Servo went to the counter.

Gypsy and Cambot were about to follow, but then Gypsy noticed a man in a business suit typing into laptop.

"Ooooh…," she said, intrigued.

She hurried over to him with Cambot following unsurely.

Mike stood at the counter with Crow at his right and Tom Servo at his left.

Crow looked at the very complicated menu.

"Everything on this menu could be improved with one thing: cheese," he said.

"And nearly everything on the menu could be improved by not having everything deep-fried!" Tom commented.

A guy behind the counter walked up to Mike.

"May I take your order?" he asked.

Mike was impressed.

"Well, at least he asks rather than _assume_ he can," he commented.

Crow and Tom nodded.

"Actually," Mike said, returning his attention to the guy, "We're looking for a guy named Joel, not too different from you or me. Any idea as to where he is?"

"Oh, he spends a lot of his time in the back room, building stuff."

"Well, we kind of need to see him. It's an emergency."

"Eh, go ahead. I've got nothing better to do with my life."

"What life?" Crow asked.

"Crow!" Mike and Tom hissed.

"What?"

Mike led the robots around the counter the door marked "MANAGER'S OFFICE".

"Are you guys ready for this?" he asked.

"Roger Wilco," said Crow.

"Isn't that the guy from _Get Fuzzy_?" asked Tom

"No, that's _Rob_ Wilco."

"Will you two just come on?!" Mike said, frustrated.

Mike knocked on the door.

A muffled voice said, "Come in!"

Mike cautiously opened the door.

They gawked at the room.

In the office were strange gizmos and gadgets lying around.

"Holy gutbucket…," Tom said.

"Joel…?" Mike asked.

The chair sitting behind the desk turned around, revealing…

"JOEL!" Crow and Tom Servo cried, running towards him.

"Guys?!" Joel gasped, catching Tom as he landed in his lap. "What the hell are you all doing here?!"

"We escaped!" Crow said triumphantly.

"And we've come to see you!" Tom added.

"Did you really?" Joel asked, surprised.

"Yeah, I figured the boys deserved a little reunion while we were being hunted down," Mike said, sitting in the chair across from Joel.

"Mike, it's great to see ya! See? Didn't I say you'd persevere?" he said cheerfully. "Hey, where're Gypsy and Cambot?"

"Oh, they're waiting outside."

"Okay…," Joel sat there for a moment. "Wait, did you say you were being hunted down? Did Pearl get mad at you for escaping?"

"No, she's moved on," Tom said.

"See, the thing is, Gizmonic Institute is after us for 'stealing' the Satellite of Love, which was destroyed, by the way," Mike explained.

Joel looked dismayed.

"But Dr Forrester said he had pinned the stealing on me!" he said. "He said I had stolen the SOL, had a mishap and it had all been destroyed!"

"Well, evidently, by bringing the SOL back to Earth, that theory was disproved," said Crow.

"Well, what have they been doing?" asked Joel.

"Trying to zap us with some Teleporter laptop," said Mike.

"You won't find _that_ at Best Buy," said Tom.

"We were actually sort of hoping you could help prove our innocence," Mike went on.

"How would I do that?"

"We need you to go through some of Cambot's old files and bring up video evidence that we were actually captured, rather than stealing the SOL."

"But that could take a while. I'd need to refamiliarize myself with Cambot's technology. I haven't worked with him for a few years," Joel said.

"Well, we should have enough time," said Crow. "Especially if we get back on the move."

"Yeah, could you call off work early for the day?" Tom asked hopefully.

"Well, I suppose, for your sakes," Joel said, looking at his watch.

"YAY!" the Bots cheered.

* * *

Joel decided, for the sake of the mission, to slip into his old red jumpsuit.

"Let's go," he said.

On the way out, Mike spotted Gypsy nearby. She was still talking to the man in the suit.

"Well, Gypsy, I'm really impressed with your plans," he said. "If you're ever up for a partnership, here's my card."

He placed a small card inside Gypsy's mouth.

"Thank you," she said.

"Come on, Gypsy! We're leaving!" Mike called.

Gypsy and Cambot quickly followed after them.

When they exited the building, they spotted Joel, Crow and Tom looking at the sky.

"What's going on?" Mike asked, following their gaze.

His face fell.

"Oh great," he moaned.

"Oh my," Gypsy gasped.

Joel stared at the helicopter.

"Shall we take my car?" he asked, not taking his eyes off it.

"Sure," Mike replied.

Everyone ran to Joel's car.

"How convenient! It's a mini-van!" Crow commented.

"Quick! Get in!" Joel ordered.

Crow, Tom Servo, Gypsy and Cambot all piled into the back. Joel got behind the wheel with Mike at his side.

"Fasten your seatbelts, please," Joel said casually.

Everyone frantically did so.

"Has everyone made a tinkle?" he went on.

Everyone stared at him.

"Umm…yeah," said Mike.

"Good, good… Anyone want to sing a song?"

"JOEL!" Crow and Tom shouted angrily.

"Please drive," Mike sighed.

"Right."

Joel pressed on the gas pedal and drove out of the restaurant.

The helicopter now carried Dr Paul and Dr Ray.

Dr Ray fumbled with the CT frantically.

"Sir, I'm sorry! I just don't understand all the technology yet! I was only at two meetings for this thing!" he wailed.

"Just aim it the van and shut up!" Dr Paul ordered.

Joel drove calmly and diligently down the highway, not really seeming to notice the helicopter anymore.

"Um, Joel, I know you appreciate the comfortable and leisurely lifestyle, but could you possibly SPEED UP A FEW NUMBERS, PLEASE?!?" Tom shouted angrily.

"Patience, Tom," Joel said reassuringly. "You seem to be forgetting something."

"What's that?" asked Gypsy.

"I'm a Gizmocrat too," he said slyly.

At that moment, Joel pressed a button on the dashboard.

The top of the car suddenly unfolded and turned into something.

"Isn't that the Tickle-Bazooka?" asked Crow, looking at it carefully.

Joel simply grinned his sleepy grin.

"It's like the Firesign Theater guys always say," he said. "Fightin's out of style. Fun's where the pain is."

Joel aimed the gun at the helicopter and pushed the button again.

"What're they doing?!" Dr Paul demanded.

_**FOOM!**_

The gun suddenly erupted pillow feathers!

The entire cockpit was suddenly filled with them.

"GACK! PTOO!" Dr Paul spat. "Get them!"

"Hee-hee! I can't! I'm too ticklish! Ha-ha-ha!" Dr Ray laughed, suddenly loosing control.

The helicopter began to fall back.

"Hey, nice job," Mike said approvingly.

"Sure thing. My place?"

"Sure. Why not?"

Joel drove the minivan to his apartment.


	8. Projected Man

The helicopter landed on top of a building.

Dr Paul furiously climbed out of the feather-filled cockpit.

"Just great!" he shouted angrily. "I get the one helicopter pilot who's ticklish!"

"I'm sorry!" Dr Ray pleaded. "I can't help it! My first noise after birth was a giggle!"

Then he realized where he'd landed.

"Uh…do we need a permit to land on a random building?" he asked.

"Shut up! Give me the CT!"

Dr Ray did so.

Dr Paul looked at it.

"You want something done right…," he began, typing things into it.

_**PING!**_

He grinned at the screen.

"…you've gotta do it yourself," he finished.

Then he glared at Dr Ray.

"Honestly! You _built_ this freakin' thing!" he growled.

And he immediately ran towards the edge.

"Uh…," Dr Ray said urgently, but it was too late.

Dr Paul jumped over the edge.

"OH GOD!" he shouted as he fell.

Dr Ray gasped and ran to the edge.

He almost started laughing at what he saw.

Dr Paul was dangling from a gargoyle on the building ledge by his belt loop.

"Groin…aching!" he moaned.

* * *

Joel was popping some popcorn in the microwave.

Mike and the Bots were observing his apartment.

"Nice place, Joel," Mike commented.

"Thanks," Joel replied. "Sweet garden level living, one bedroom, one half bath, and on the bus lines was a pretty good deal, I thought."

"It was! You always had an eye for style, Joel," said Tom.

"Hey, Gypsy, who was that guy you were talking to?" asked Crow.

"Oh, he was this business mogul!" said Gypsy. "He was really nice. He runs a company, and I gave him some business tips. He gave him a card. I think I'll see him again. I like the idea of running a company."

Tom and Crow exchanged glances.

"Huh," said Crow, clearly unimpressed.

Cambot continued to observe as he normally did.

"So can we get to work now?" Mike asked.

"Oh, sure," said Joel.

Mike held onto Cambot.

"Cambot was always the odd-child," Joel sighed. "Just for the hell of it, I took him apart and rebuilt in a new design every month."

"Man, why didn't you go back to Gizmonic Institute after you got back to Earth?" Mike asked.

"Well, I landed in the Australian Outback," Joel explained. "Besides, I didn't like Gizmonic Institute all that much. It got a little boring after a while, and I wanted to go on to do something else. I had ideas coming out of my sleeves! I'm glad the Bots had someone like you to replace me. You seemed to be just what they needed."

"Really?" Mike asked.

"Sure! You were slightly aggressive, a bit goofy, sort of a brotherly figure. Plus, you look good standing next to them," Joel said.

Mike glanced at Cambot, and then back at Joel.

"Thanks," he said, unsurely.

"Hey, Joel, Mike?" Crow shouted. "Could you two come in here, please?"

Joel and Mike exchanged glances and reentered the living room.

They found Crow, Tom and Gypsy had been trapped by Dr Paul.

Somehow, Dr Paul had broken in and had gotten hold of the Bots.

"Uh…," Joel started. "Can I get you a Hot Fish?"

Mike rolled his eyes.

"Ah, the great Joel Robinson at long last!" Dr Paul chuckled. "I must say, it seems as though I've underestimated Mr Nelson's perseverance."

Mike simply smirked.

"Unfortunately, it's time for you to experience something very uncomfortable," Dr Paul continued, typing something up into the CT.

Suddenly, all were cowering behind it.

"Have you ever been disintegrated in one place, and then reassembled in another?" Dr Paul asked, grinning.

_**BRZAP!**_

The blast from the CT zapped Cambot right out of Mike's hands.

"Eep!" Mike shrieked.

Everyone stared at the wisp of smoke that hung in the air where Cambot had been.

"We just can't trust you with _any_thing now, can we?" Crow said disdainfully.

Mike responded by popping Crow's bowling pin.

_**BRZAP! BRZAP! BRZAP! BRZAP!**_

After four more blasts cleared, Tom Servo suddenly realized he and Dr Paul were alone.

"Uh…so, how's Dr Lyle?" Tom asked nervously.

_**BRZAP!**_

Then Dr Paul turned the CT around and blast himself.

_**BRZAP!**_

The apartment was now empty.

* * *

Dr Paul was transported all the way back to Gizmonic Institute.

He grinned to find Mike, Joel and the Bots were there, and had been apprehended by the other doctors on his team.

"Ah, nice to see some competence at long last," he sneered.

"What is _with_ you?" Mike demanded.

"I just hope you've taught not mock your superiors, Nelson," Dr Paul replied. "Now then, neither of you will confess to stealing the Satellite of Love?"

Mike groaned.

"We didn't steal anything!" he yelled.

Dr Paul simply shrugged.

"Very well, if you won't give us the truth, we'll have to perform an Enter-Loral Brain Probe on you and pluck it from your head," he said casually.

Joel looked confused.

"The information?" he asked.

"No, his brain. Take him away."

Dr Mickey grabbed Mike tighter and hauled him away.

"MY BRAIN?!" Mike shouted. "BUT JUST A SECOND! LET GO OF ME! I NEED MY BRAIN! _I NEED MY BRAIN!_"

But Mike was soon gone, leaving Joel and the Bots staring after him.

"What about _them_, sir?" asked Dr Carnage.

"Take them to the cell," Dr Paul replied, waving them away. "We'll do something with them later."

Joel and the Bots were shoved away.

* * *

Mike was soon strapped to a gurney in an operation room. Lights flashed and electricity crackled.

"Where am I? An operation room or _Spencer's Gifts_?" he asked.

Just then, the door burst open.

Mike looked up.

Standing before him, wearing a black suit with G on it, not to mention thick glasses and curly black hair, was standing before him.

"Hello!" he said in a squeaky voice.

Mike stared at him as he approached.

"My name is Dr Laurence Erhardt," he said. "I'll be your mad scientist for today, if you don't mind. Get it? Brain? Mind? Heh, heh, heh, heh!"

Mike groaned.

"Great," he muttered.

"Aw, feeling a little nervous, are we?" Dr Erhardt asked sweetly.

"Of course I'm nervous!" Mike said angrily.

"Oh well, don't worry. Everyone is before having their brains sucked out!"

It was around that moment that Mike noticed that Dr Erhardt's outfit resembled TV's Frank's.

"Now then, I have a few questions to ask you before we start," he said. "It's a standard procedure. Question one: when was your last pregnancy?"

Mike rolled his eyes.

* * *

In their cell, Joel and the Bots were sitting around.

"Huh," said Joel. "You know, when I woke up this morning, this was the last thing I thought would happen."

"You're so easygoing about it," Crow commented.

"It's a curse," Joel said, shrugging.

Just then, there was a knock at the door.

They looked up and saw a rather large man towering over them.

It was Dr Solomon.

"Hey, uh, are you by chance a guy named Joel? You don't look too different from you or me," he said.

Joel nodded.

"Hey!" said Tom. "It's the ray of goodness in a sky of clouds!"

Everyone looked at him.

"I mean, he's the good guy!" Tom explained.

"Ohhh…," everyone said.

"Listen, I think I can get you guys back to Mike," Dr Solomon explained. "I think I can sneak you in."

"Lead the way," said Joel.

* * *

A few minutes later, Dr Solomon and Joel were walking down the hallways pushing a cart with a sheet over it.

It was a rather lumpy sheet.

Underneath it, all four robots tried to keep from sliding out from under it.

Suddenly, a round orb fell out from under it.

"Uh, Joel…?" Tom whispered.

Joel immediately doubled back and grabbed it.

Then they came to a giant air grate.

Being as quiet as they could, Joel and Dr Solomon set to work in unscrewing it from the wall.

Once it was out of the way, Joel quickly pulled out Crow and Tom Servo.

"Okay, guys," he whispered. "It's up to you to find your way through the vents and get back Mike!"

"Right-o!" said Crow in a British accent.

Joel quickly jammed Tom into the vent. Before allowing Crow to follow, he quickly turned his net around to make it easier.

Once the goofy pair was gone, they reattached the grate and carried on.

"Where to now?" asked Joel.

"We have to find the room Mike's in," Dr Solomon replied.

Suddenly, Joel stopped him.

"Wait."

"What?"

"Should we have found the room _first_…and _then_ sent Crow and Tom through the air ducts?"

There was a pause.

"Huh…," said Dr Solomon.

They both shrugged and carried on.


	9. The Atomic Brain

Crow and Tom slowly struggled through the air ducts.

"Crow, get your butt out of my face!" Tom grunted.

"I don't _have _a butt!" Crow retorted. "Man, it's hot in here!"

Then coolness swept over them.

"Ahhh… _There's_ a cooling breeze," he said.

_CLUNK! WHOOSH!_

Tom and Crow stopped and looked down toward the source of the ominous noise.

"Please tell me that was your stomach," said Tom.

"I DON'T _HAVE_ A STOMACH!!!" Crow roared.

Tom's arms began to flap in the new wind. The racket grew louder until…

_WHOOOOSH!_

Tom and Crow, now terrified, were propelled like rockets by the onslaught of cooled air. They smacked hard—_**BONK!**_—into corners and ricocheted among the walls, pushed ever higher by the roaring wind. They soon got the hang of it, however, and began to enjoy the breeze at their backs and the thrill of the ride.

"Here come the world-champion extreme snowboarders, up for their final run of the day's competition!" Tom narrated in his Mighty Voice. "The sky is clear, the air is crisp, and this is one slick course, ladies and gentlemen, not meant for lightweights. The champs surf, cutting in and out of flags and over treacherous moguls, never even breaking a sweat! _Woooo-hoooo_!"

In a corridor on a high floor, another Acme Air Conditioning Service technician puttered around a duct on which he was working. He had just finished screwing the grate back into place when he heard a strange squealing sound coming from the system, and he leaned his ear against the plate, trying to figure out what it was. The noise grew louder and louder until…

_**SPANG!**_

The startled technician was thrown back to the floor. He opened his eyes to see an impression newly molding into the metal. He couldn't be sure, but it looked very much like a bowling pin had just been jammed into the air vent. This wasn't right. He backed away slowly, then turned and ran as fast as he could.

Crow's abrupt stop put stars in his eyes.

In fact, it knocked his eyes _out_!

As Crow felt around for his ping-pong ball eyes, Tom chuckled.

"Crow, I think you just got faced," he commented.

"Aw, ram it up your hoverskirt," Crow retorted.

Once Crow got his sight back, they continued on through the tunnels. There was still a chilly breeze. They remembered the warmness of the SOL before it was destroyed.

They stopped occasionally to peer through the ceiling grates that separated them from the offices below. They saw people at computers, cartons of dry goods piled high, even a showroom full of racks of what they'd all be wearing next season, but no Mike. They pushed on, getting colder by the minute.

Then finally, they saw something through the grates…

Mike remained strapped to the table as Dr Erhardt checked things off on a clipboard.

"Do you now, or have you ever had any achiness in your tentacles?" Dr Erhardt asked.

"I don't have tentacles," Mike said dully.

Dr Erhardt mumbled as he wrote this down.

"Head ever come off?"

"No, I don't think so."

He wrote more stuff down.

Neither of them noticed the air vent suddenly, swing open, and two robots lowered a rope and slowly climbed down.

Dr Erhardt leaned closer to Mike.

"Any gingivitis?" he asked.

"No."

Dr E wrote some more stuff down.

"How about dandruff?" he asked.

"Well, I had a little a few years ago, but it—"

"OH, WHO CARES?!? IT'S _SHOW TIME!_" Dr Erhardt shouted, throwing the clipboard aside and typing things into a computer.

Mike sighed to himself.

Suddenly, a giant nozzle-like objected lowered itself above Mike's head.

"Whoa, wait a minute! What's that thing?" Mike demanded.

"I dunno. Here we go!" Dr E said happily.

He guided the nozzle to lower itself right into Mike's head.

"Like that! Yes! Excellent!"

But just when Dr E was about to press the button…

"Wait! Wait!" Mike shouted.

"What is it?!" Dr E shouted back.

"Are you sure this is covered by my HMO?"

There was a pause.

"Hmm, good question. I'll check."

Dr E removed Mike from the machine and got to work.

As Mike waited, Crow and Tom suddenly appeared beside him.

"Mike!" Tom whispered.

Mike looked up happily.

"Guys!" he whispered. "You're alive! Where've you been?!"

"You don't wanna know," said Crow.

"Crow, you try to cut through these straps," Tom said quickly. "I'll unlock the door so Joel and that Dr Solomon can get in."

The Bots set to work.

Crow ducked under Mike's sheet and started to chew at the straps.

Tom hovered over to the door.

Dr E returned to work.

"Good news!" he said. "You're covered by ten dollar co-pay!"

He began to reapply the nozzle.

"Now then, if you experience any _unpleasantness_, please alert me. I would hate to miss it!"

Then he noticed the movement under Mike's sheet. He quickly removed it.

Crow and Dr E stared at each other.

"Do you mind?!" Crow protested.

"Oh, excuse me," Dr E said.

Crow covered himself back up again.

There was a silence as Dr E started to work again, but then realized who he had seen.

"Wait!"

He yanked the sheet back again.

Crow was staring right back at him again.

"You!" Dr Erhardt screamed, shouting at him.

"You!" Crow screamed.

"Oh, dear lord!"

Tom suddenly appeared.

"Somebody call?" he joked.

Dr E looked at him.

"And _you_!" he screamed.

"Me?!" Tom asked, jumping back.

"What are _you_ doing here?!" the three of them asked.

Mike stared.

"You all _know_ each other?" he asked.

"That's Larry! Dr Forrester's original assistant!" Crow cried.

"He's the one who helped shoot us into space in the first place!" Tom added.

"Yes!" Dr Erhardt shouted, leaping back. "And as much as it pained me, I deserted Clay when he gave himself top-billing on our experiments!"

"You were only around for about the first thirty or so," Crow said.

"Oh, details! Now stand aside! I must remove this man's brain!" Dr E shouted.

Crow and Tom exchanged glances.

* * *

Outside, Joel, Dr Solomon, Gypsy and Cambot were coming down the hallway.

Dr Solomon looked at the sign next to a door.

"Brain Removal Room. This is the place," he said.

Joel and Gypsy looked inside the window.

"Oh my…," said Gypsy.

"What in the world…?" Joel asked.

They could a dark-haired man with glasses being attacked by two robots.

* * *

Meanwhile, Dr Paul was leading the President down a hallway.

"This is big, Mr President," he said as they walked. "I think we should alert the White House."

"I'll be the judge of that," the President said sternly.

Dr Paul nodded. "As always."

They walked through a door.

* * *

Mike was trying hard to break free while Tom and Crow attacked Dr Erhardt.

Suddenly, the door burst open, and Joel, Gypsy, Cambot and Dr Solomon entered.

"Dr Erhardt?" Joel asked, stunned.

"Whoa!" said Gypsy. "I did _not _see that one coming!"

Dr Erhardt managed to hurl Tom against the wall long enough to see them.

"Oh, Joel!" he said cheerfully. "I see you escaped! Oh, by the way, _DAMN YOU_!!" he shouted, shaking his fist.

Tom immediately bonked him on the head with his hoverskirt.

"Ow!"

"Uh, excuse me!" Mike said, raising his head up. "Is anyone gonna help me?"

"Oh, sorry," said Joel.

Joel and Dr Solomon started to unstrap Mike and get him to safety.

Gypsy immediately went to assist Crow and Tom.

And by assist, I mean, she swung herself into Dr Erhardt and knocked him through the air.

"Whoa!" Dr Erhardt shouted.

"Ooh…," said Crow and Tom, watching.

* * *

In a room with a screen drawn over a giant window, Dr Paul led the President to the window.

"And now, sir," he said. "I give you…the thief and threat…to Gizmonic Institute…and the possibly…_the world_."

He lifted the screen up to see into the next room.

Smoke filled it.

Dr Paul and the President stared into it.

Suddenly…

_**WHAM!**_

They jumped back.

Dr Erhardt had just been slammed into it by Gypsy.

Fortunately, through all the smoke, none of the Bots could be seen.

There was a pause as Dr E just stared at them.

"Release…me…," he moaned, and he slowly slid down the window.

Dr Paul and the President stared at each other.

"Uh…," Dr Paul said slowly.

"Actually, his statement was pretty much correct," said Joel.

They whipped around.

Somehow, Joel, Mike and Dr Solomon, with Cambot hovering at their side, had gotten inside the room.

Dr Paul growled.

"You…!" he snapped, attempting to attack them, but the President held them back.

"What are you talking about?" the President asked.

"Sirs, let Mr Nelson and Mr Robinson explain themselves," said Dr Solomon.

Mike stepped forward.

"Mr Gizmonic President, sir," he said, "the man you saw just get slammed into that window is the real thief of the Satellite of Love."

Dr Paul stared angrily at him.

But the President watched him carefully.

"Care to give us any evidence?" he asked.

Mike motioned towards Joel.

"Cambot, c'mere, boy," he said.

Cambot flew over towards Joel.

Dr Paul lost patience.

"Oh, we're wasting time here!" he roared. "Sir, do we really have to listen to this?!?"

"Innocent until proven guilty, Dr Paul," the President said calmly.

Mike grinned.

Joel held onto Cambot and started his work. He opened a keypad that had been concealed on the round robot's back, and started to press some buttons. Then, he found the option he was looking for, and pressed a button.

"Rewind," he said.

A high-pitched noise of a tape being rewound was heard.

"Okay, get comfy, everyone," said Joel. "We've got eleven years of history to track back over."

Everyone immediately sat down and waited.

Joel watched the video play back on a little screen he had opened up on Cambot's back.


	10. with the short Days of Our Years

Joel continued to rewind further into the bowels of Cambot's footage.

They saw the entire history of the Satellite of Love…backwards.

* * *

(Mike is still reading the handbook.)  
**Crow:** Does it say anything about our dental coverage?  
**Mike **(reading) Uh, "Shut up. You have no right to ask!"  
**Crow:** (taken aback): Sorry Mike. I didn't think you would take it so personally!  
**Mike:** No, no, that's what it says in the handbook.  
**Crow:** Ohhh! (Suddenly the satellite starts rocking back and forth violently.)  
Whoa! Hey! What's going on? What the hell?  
**Mike:** We'd better find out what's going on. Hey, Pearl Drops!

Castle

(Pearl looks into camera.)  
**Pearl:** Oh, hi Nike Melson! How do you like my new joystick? (Camera pulls back to show her playing with a cheap, bargain store joystick.) Got it at Radio Shack! Say, I was wondering, what does a high speed tumble do to your stomach? (She slams the stick to the right.)

Rocket #9

(SOL is in a power dive. We can hear M&TB, "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!")

Castle

**Pearl** (gleeful) I am just messin' with everybody today! (Laughs. Suddenly, the stick breaks. Pearl looks at it, confused.) What'd I do? (Tips it upside down and shakes it.) What'd I do?

SOL

(The satellite slowly rights itself, although it's still rocking somewhat.)  
**Tom:** Hang on now.  
**Crow:** I feel sick! (Gypsy enters. Crow ducks down below the bridge.)  
**Gypsy:** Hey you guys, the Retro-Fire's been activated and the ship's initiating a Re-entry Protocol!  
**Tom:** What?!  
**Gypsy:** Prepare for Gravitational Insertion!  
**Tom:** Mike! This means we're headed . . . TO EARTH!  
**Mike **(slowly) Earth, that's my home!  
**Tom:** (excitedly): Yes! Yes!  
**Mike:** Isn't it?  
**Tom:** Yes!  
**Mike: **(realizing): Of course! Earth! To Earth! (He hugs Tom and pats Gypsy. Tom laughs, and everyone celebrates but Crow, who can be heard retching down below.)  
**Tom:** Crow, you're wreckin' the moment!  
**Crow** (nose stuffed up) I'm sorry!

* * *

SOL

(Servo and Crow are on the bridge wondering about the mysterious ship outside.)

**Tom:** Huh. We're drifting, our orbit's decaying, and the mysterious craft still hovers nearby: dark and ominous. It did save our lives once, but... why?  
**Crow:** They're toying with us.  
**Tom:** Yes.  
**Crow:** Yes!  
**Tom:** Oh-no.  
**Crow:** Toying!  
**Tom:** Yes!  
**Crow:** What do you want, you demons?  
**Tom:** What do you want?  
**Crow:** What do you want?  
**Tom:** Who are you?  
**Crow:** WHO ARE YOU?

(The bridge doors open and Joel steps out.)

**Tom:** Look. Behold! (Servo and Crow whimper)  
**Crow:** Oh, it's just Joel.  
**Tom:** Yeah, you were gonna get...  
**Joel:** Hey, you guys.  
**Crow** and **Tom:** Joel!  
**Tom:** It's Joel!  
**Crow:** Joel!  
**Tom:** Hooray, its Joel!  
**Crow:** Joel's back, Joel's back, Joel's back!  
**Tom:** Oh, it's good to see you, man.  
**Joel:** Oh thanks, I... Crow, your voice kinda sounds different.  
**Crow:** Wow, weird.  
**Joel:** Oh, I get it, you changed you bowling pin. Smart. And um Tom, it's good to see your hoverskirt's still operational.  
**Tom:** Yep.  
**Joel:** It's just great to see you guys, all bright and shiny and in proper working order.  
**Crow:** Good to see you too, Joel. Say, how'd ya get up here?  
**Joel:** Well, I won't go into too many details, other than it cost me a ton to get up here.  
**Tom:** I'll bet.  
**Joel:** When I was down on Earth, I found that Dr. Forrester had sabotaged the Satellite of Love so that a lot of the working components would self-destruct in ten years.  
**Tom:** I knew there was something weird about that guy.  
**Joel:** Yeah. So I came up here to fix it for you.  
**Crow:** Well Joel, hadn't you better get started, then?  
**Joel:** Oh, I mean, we've got some time, I mean, uh... What've you guys been up to?  
**Tom:** Ah, you know, same old, same old. And you?  
**Crow:** Right.  
**Joel:** Well, you know, after I crash landed on the Outback, I kicked around Australia for a little while, and then I hooked up with the band "Man or Astroman?", doing pyrotechnics. I finally made my way back to the Midwest, where I now manage the hot fish shop in Osseo.  
**Crow and Tom:** Cool. (Mike steps in.)  
**Mike:** Okay guys, alright, I'm set to go. Oh, hey, who do we got here?  
**Crow:** Mike, its Joel! He's the guy who made us!  
**Tom:** Yay!  
**Crow:** He's gonna fix our ship.  
**Tom:** Yay!  
**Mike:** Yeah, I know you. I'm wearing your tube socks! They've...  
**Joel:** Oh.  
**Mike:** Hey, did I hear you say you were managing a hot fish shop?  
**Joel:** Yeah, it's pretty neat.  
**Mike:** That's great, I mean, how do you even get that?  
**Joel:** Well, you know, I just had a really good interview. You know, I'm looking for an overnight cook.  
**Mike:** Are you serious? Oh, man, I... Ah, who am I kidding? I'm stuck up here, I'm never gonna get down. Forget it, man.  
**Joel:** Ah, man. C'mon, take it easy, you know. Things are gonna get better for you. I mean, uh, things change. I... uh, you know, listen to me, you know.  
**Mike:** Alright. Well, hey, thanks.  
**Joel:** Thanks.  
**Gypsy:** Hey, you kids! Keep it down!  
**Joel:** Hey, hi ya Gypsy!  
**Gypsy:** Bite me!  
**Joel:** Oh, I'd better get going on Gypsy. I'll talk to you guys later, okay?  
**Mike:** Okay, thanks a lot, okay, Joel.  
**Crow:** Bye, Joel!  
**Tom:** Bye-bye!  
**Crow:** Joel's back!  
**Tom:** Yeah.  
**Mike:** Think about it. You know, I'm stuck up here, and that guy gets to manage a hot fish shop.  
**Tom:** Hey, hey. Don't compare yourself Mike, it ain't healthy.  
**Crow:** Yeah.  
**Tom:** We'll be right back.  
**Mike:** So, bring out the dressing...  
**Tom:** Don't go there man.  
**Crow:** Make the three-bean salad.  
**Tom:** Keep it to yourself.  
**Mike:** Ah, you're right, you're right.

* * *

Castle Forrester

(A hooded figure is attacking a convulsing but standing Bobo; Pearl jumps in front of the scene and addresses the SOL.)

**Pearl** (frantically) I can't play now! A Soultaker has appeared in the castle and is attacking Bobo! (Brain Guy appears broom in hand.)  
**Observer:** Unhand him, you wraith!  
**Soultaker **(in ominous voice) Get away, foul one! (Shoves Brain Guy aside.)  
**Pearl:** I'll save you, Bobo! (Shoves away Bobo, who promptly collapses.) I don't know who you are, but get your soul-pinching paws off my monkey!!  
**Soultaker:** Ah, Pearl Forrester, at last we... (Soultaker hunches over and coughs; as he finishes coughing, he pulls back his hood, revealing he is TV's Frank.)  
**Frank** (normal voice) Hey, Pearl, how's it going?  
**Pearl:** Frank! TV's Frank, is that you? (laughs)  
**Frank:** Aw, c'mere, Pearl... (they hug)  
**Pearl:** Frank, I thought you were dead!  
**Frank:** I am dead. I was in Second-Banana Heaven for a while, but it is soooo political up there! Pat Buttram had it in for me right from the start. So, then I was an angel for a while, and then I got into big trouble for appearing to people as Della Reese. Scared the hell outta them! So they transferred me to soultaking. (Brain Guy returns, coughing to alert the others.)  
**Pearl:** Oh, uh...Frank, Brain Guy. Brain Guy, Frank.  
**Observer** (offering hand) Well met, deceased one.  
**Frank** (stifling laughter) Yeah, great... (to Pearl) Where'd ya get the Hostess Snowball? (rolls eyes.)  
**Pearl:** Tell me about it. Woo-hoo! (Brain Guy slinks away.)  
**Frank:** So, how are Mike and the Bots doing up there?  
**Pearl:** Oh, well, let's take a look.

SOL

(Everyone's hanging upside down, and a zooming noise is audible.)

**Mike** (panicky) Oh, no! We're plummeting into Earth's atmosphere!  
**Tom:** I think I'm gonna be sick! Whoa! (goes flying down towards the ceiling.)  
**Crow** (singing) Nearer my God to thee...

Castle Forrester

(Frank & Pearl are just staring, dumbstruck.)

**Frank:** I can't believe it... (holds up taco) this Gordita is delicious!  
**Pearl:** Try a Border Fry! (Prepares to feed Frank a fry. Bobo gets up and approaches the two.)  
**Bobo:** Oh, Lawgiver, it was horrible! An unpleasant man tried to steal my soul and-- (notices Frank) Oh, hello. And he had this hair-- (looks again and starts making panicky monkey noises) Oh, it's him!! (flees but collides into hanging fixture and knocks himself out.)  
**Pearl:** Oh, Frank, we have so much catching up to do!  
**Frank:** Let's have some General Foods International Coffee.  
**Pearl:** Oh, perfect! (to Mike and the Bots) And you up there! Get back in the thee-ay-ter! (Frank attacks his taco.)

SOL

* * *

**Tom:** Hello and...

**Crow and Tom:** Konichiwa.

**Tom:** Tonight we present a traditional Japanese Kabuki play. Translated to English, this ancient work is entitled, "Neil Simon's The Sunshine Boys."

**Crow:** Now, how many of you are familiar with Japanese theater? Anyone wanna…

**Tom:** Anybody at all.

**Crow:** ...field this one? Err uh... (Mike raises hand. Crow looks at Mike) Ah, yes sir! And do you enjoy Kabuki Theater?

**Mike:** Ah, actually I prefer Noh Theater.

**Tom:** Well, then why did you raise your hand?

**Mike:** Because I like Noh theater. Noh plays are my favorite.

**Tom:** So you don't like any theater at all?

**Mike** (chuckles) No, let me explain. Noh Theater is classic Japanese drama. Noh plays have been produced since the 13th century and Noh actors are revered, even today.

**Crow:** But why are you dissing Japanese theater? What's your deal man?

**Mike:** No, no wait a minute. Noh Theater started in Japan.

**Tom:** Ah, so now you tell us Japan doesn't have any theater whatsoever.

**Mike:** They have lots of theater including Noh Theater.

**Crow:** So they have lots of theater and they have no theater.

**Mike:** Exactly.

**Tom:** What?

**Crow:** No theater?

**Mike:** Yes.

**Crow and Tom:** What?!

**Mike:** Noh Theater. N-O-H.

**Tom:** N-O-H huh?

**Crow:** Geez.

**Tom:** Well, there you just gone and shown what an idiot you are!

**Crow:** Well, hey, I'll handle this Tom, calm down. Mike, I'm going to ask you a series of simple questions which even a cretin like you could answer yes or no. Now, is there a theater in Japan?

**Mike:** Yes.

**Crow:** Good! And do you have a particular favorite type of Japanese theater?

**Mike:** Yes.

**Crow:** Well good now we're gettin' somewhere. Mike, will you tell me the name of your favorite form of Japanese theater?

**Mike:** Noh.

**Crow: **Why not?

**Mike:** Why not what?

**Crow:** Why won't you tell me your favorite Japanese theater?!

**Mike:** I just did!

**Crow:** Did what?!

**Mike** (exasperated) Told you my favorite form of Japanese theater.

**Crow:** You did?

**Mike:** Yes.

**Crow** (angry) Well will you tell me again?

**Mike:** Yes: Noh.

**Tom:** Oh, come on!

**Crow:** Mike, I'm gonna grab a stepladder so you can jump up my butt!

**Tom:** May we do our little Kabuki play now?

**Crow: **(Breathes "yeah")

**Mike:** Go ahead, but remember- I like Noh Theater more than I like Kabuki Theater.

**Crow:** I thought you didn't like Kabuki!

**Mike:** I don't!

**Crow and Tom** (crying) Aaah!

**Crow:** Oh god! (Crow and Servo become apoplectic)

**Mike** (to Cambot) You gotta mess with them every now and then. We'll be right back.

**Gypsy** (who has been watching the whole thing, quietly) I get it Mike.

* * *

Widowmaker

(Pearl's driving; Observer is sitting next to her.)

**Pearl:** What's goin' on? We got it goin' on, that's what's goin' on, huh! How 'bout this guy here, huh? (points to Observer) I say, "Hmmm, I sure would hate for those 8-balls on the satellite to escape." This beautiful man right here says, "Let me handle it." He is holding you here with his MIND, (points to her temple, Observer points to his brain pan) you poor, dumb (bleeped)! How d'ya like that? How'd ya like this guy on your crew instead of those yappy little tin cans you hang out with? (Observer makes "yaketty-yaketty" motions with his hand) This guy is the best!  
**Observer: **(modestly) Why, thank you Pearl.  
**Pearl:** Tell ya somethin' else, Nelsonni, this guy's gunnin' for ya! (Observer sets down his brain, looking as angry as he can) You blew up this man's WORRRLD, as I will continue to remind him every chance I get! You whacked his planet, man! And he is puh-lenty cheesed, let me tell you...  
**Observer: **(furious) Yes! (points finger) You have destroyed an ancient and proud race. My people! And let me tell you that I will...  
**Pearl:** (interrupting, angry) I...was talking!!! Boy, everything's about you, isn't it?  
Observer (cowed): Well, well, well, I'm very sorry.  
**Pearl:** (to SOL) Anyway Nelson, you're mine! You'll never escape! Never! (laughs diabolically, Observer joins in, lamely)  
**Observer:** (tapping her on the shoulder): Excuse me, Malevolent One, but hadn't we ought to go get Professor Bobo?  
**Pearl:** (thoughtfully) Hmm, that's a good idea. Say, could you hand me the Cheez-its?  
**Observer: **Why, certainly. (he hands her the box of snack crackers)  
**Pearl:** (sweetly) Thanks. (starts hitting Observer with the box) I (whap) GIVE (whap) THE (whap) ORDERS! (dumps Cheez-its into his brain pan) Hey, we'd better go find Bobo. (Observer whimpers, looking at his brain pan full of Cheez-its).

(Fade)

* * *

SOL

(Tom and Crow are on the bridge, looking off camera)

**Tom:** Mmmm... (quietly) see that?

**Mike:** Wow... here we are at the edge of the universe!

**Tom:** Not quite Mike, just a bit little more to go here...

**Mike:** Oh, yeah, you're right... (There is a thud and the ship shakes, as if it has gently hit something. ) Ah, there. The edge of the universe!

**Tom:** Yep, and I tell ya Mike, it's everything I could of hoped for... for example, all knowledge is clear to me now. (A heavenly hum is starting to go off in the background)

**Mike:** Yeah, and you know, and all wisdom and beauty fill me with an abundant light and all eternal truths of the cosmos are available with a minimum of effort!

**Tom:** Yeah... (sudden excitement) Oh, hey there's God!!! (Then, calmly) Ah, maybe not...

**Mike:** Ah...

**Crow:** (enters, holding a sandwich) Hey guys, what's up?

**Mike:** (Calmly) Oh, were just at the edge of the universe.

**Crow:** Oh-ho, so that's it! No wonder I've suddenly become aware that I can leave my corporeal body and become pure energy, or pure thought, or pure reason, or pure any-number-of-things! Here. Let's see... (Starts to strain hard and suddenly transforms into a yellow ball of light. dropping his sandwich. Mike and Tom react with amazement and the heavenly hum gets louder.)

**Tom:** Wow! Cool! Lets do it, Mike! (Tom strains and spins his body around and is suddenly transformed into a red ball of light.)

**Pure Energy Tom:** (Relived) Ahhhhhhh...

**Pure Energy Crow:** Just let it happen, Mike!

**Mike:** Okay, Got ya. (Mike quietly strains and is suddenly transformed into a green ball of light. All react in amazement.)

**Pure Energy Tom:** Yeah... neat...

**Pure Energy Mike:** Wow... Servo, what are you?

**Pure Energy Tom:** I think I'm Pure Energy!

**Pure Energy Crow:** Hey, I'm Pure Energy!

**Pure Energy Tom:** Ah, you're nothing but Pure Canola Oil, you!

**Pure Energy Crow:** Oh, yeah? Mr. Pure Country... Mr. Pure Gin... Pure Chewing Satisfaction... (The bickering is interrupted by Mike)

**Pure Energy Mike:** Hey, hey, hey guys, c'mon, c'mon spread out now, c'mon, all that matters is were pure and eternal!

**Pure Energy Tom:** Yeah...

(Gypsy enters)

**Gypsy:** Uh, hello? (Gypsy reacts in shock at what M&TB have become.)

**Pure Energy Mike:** Oh, hey, Gypsy! (All giggle and laugh.) Why don't ya drop your corporeal being and become Pure Love or something and then we'll all go play at the edge of the universe!

**Pure Energy Tom:** Yeaaa!!

**Gypsy:** Oh, I don't know...

**Pure Energy Tom:** Oh, c'mom, Gypsy, it's really fun! Don't be afraid ... (M&TB say various inaudible things to convince Gypsy.)

**Gypsy:** I'm not sure, it's just that... oh ... oh... oh, my stars! (Gypsy, apparently against her will, is suddenly transformed into a purple ball of light.)

**Pure Energy Mike:** There we go! (Crow and Servo react with laughter.)

**Pure Energy Tom:** I hope I'm ready for this. I may only be 99 and 44/100 pure!

**Pure Energy Mike:** We'll, that's probably good enough!

**Pure Energy Tom:** Yeahhh!!! (All laugh)

**Pure Energy Mike:** Oh hey, uh, Cambot, Magic Voice, join us!

**Pure Energy** **Gypsy:** Yeah, c'mon!

(Servo chuckles as they all leave the ship. Two more "pure energy" sound effects happen and two more balls of light follow them out through the hull of the ship.)

Exterior of SOL

**Pure Energy Crow:** Who-hoo. Hey, it's great out here ... (Various inaudible sounds of excitement are heard.)

**Pure Energy Tom:** Yeah, c'mon (inaudible) Pure Energy!

**Pure Energy Crow:** Woohhhh!!! (Their voices fade.)

Deep 13

(Heavy breathing can be heard, as it might sound from inside a space helmet. The visual is a close-up of Dr. F's eye. Shot then pulls back, then cuts to behind Dr. F's back, and he is now wearing a robe, has more grayer hair and is sitting down at a table, hunkered down at some sort of dish. He stops, pauses, then he get out of his chair to look closely at something while chewing, and then he sits back down. Cut to the front of the table. Dr. F sips a glass of wine, pauses, suddenly knocks the glass of wine over and looks at himself in a ceramic cup nearby. A warbling wail of many voices grows in background. Dr. F. seems to see something surprising.

Cut to a much older, white-haired Dr F. laying on his deathbed. He starts to reach out towards something. Cut to a shot beside the bed. He is reaching out to a giant videotape, like a monolith, standing at the foot of his bed. The label on the tape reads "THE WORST MOVIE EVER MADE".

Cut to a shot of a tiny infant surrounded by a green circle of light. Pearl enters and the wailing reaches a crescendo and then stops.)

**Pearl:** (Gasp) Another chance to do it right! (Takes the baby and holds it to her face, she gasps again) Isn't this a wonderful baby? (Looks at the camera)

**Infant** (Dr. F's adult voice) Ohhh, poopie!

(Fade into white.)

* * *

**Dr. F **(into the camera) Mike, you've got to help us. We're on a date down here. Could you, uh, provide us with some kind of entertainment? (Bridget sees him doing this and looks into the camera.

**Bridget: **Hi.

SOL

**Crow: **It just so happens I've written a topical, satirical review that we call--

**All:** Supercalafragalistic-expialawacky!

**Crow: **Ha ha ha he he hoo!

**Tom:** (whispering instructions from behind the desk) Go, go, go! I got it, I got it, I got it! Okay, get out of the way!

**Mike** (dressed like Uncle Sam, singing)

I'm the government,  
I'm the government,  
I'm filled with bloats and perks.  
I'm the government,  
I'm the government,  
I'm the reason nothing works.

**Tom:** (appearing from behind the desk with paper money inside his bubble head, spoken as if reading from a scipt): Boy I tell you, it's not easy bein' the working man, but at least I've earned an honest day's wage and I can--

**Mike:** Thank you! (still dressed as Uncle Sam, he runs by and swipes the money.)

**Tom:** Heeyyy!

**Crow **(singing)**:  
**I'm the crime bill: bang-bang!  
I'm the crime bill: bang-bang!  
I get shot at every day.  
I'm the crime bill: bang-bang!  
I'm the crime bill: bang-bang!  
I'm opposed by the NRA. Bang, Bang! ack, ahh (dying noises.)

**Mike** (comes up from behind the desk in a baseball cap, spoken like a little child) Hello Mr. Senator. My daddy's out of work, and he says it's because of the deficit. So I saved some money in my piggy bank, and I'm going to give it to you to lower the deficit. If an 8 year old kid can save money, how come the government can't?

**Tom:** singing Honk honk!

**Crow: **Beep beep!

**Crow and Tom:** Government gridlock!

**All:** Honk honk!

**Crow: **Beep beep!

**All:** Government gridlock!

**Tom:** There's a traffic jam at the Congress intersection,

**Crow: **But the light is red unless there's an election!

**Mike:** Government sure can get tacky,

**All:** It's Supercalafragalistic-expialawacky!

* * *

Deep 13

(Close up of Dr. Forester and Frank)

**Dr. F:** Bad news, Mike. Our theme song tested rather poorly and, well, I'm a big time executive and I made a snap decision. We're going to start our own radio station and we're going to name it FRANK!  
**Frank** (his face showing excitement) A radio station... called FRANK?!  
**Dr. F:** That's right. So come on! Turn your crank to FRANK!  
**Frank:** Less talk...  
**Dr. F:** And more new country...  
**Frank:** Wynona...  
**Dr. F:** Billy Ray Cyrus...  
**Frank:** Love that FRANK!

SOL

**Tom:** Hookay (rather nervously) ha ha.  
**Mike:** Yeah. You know I can't promise that I personally will be turning my crank to FRANK but I--

Deep 13

**Frank:** But it's a radio station... called FRANK!  
**Dr. F:** More Garth! More Reba!  
**Frank:** Wynona

SOL

(Mike and the bots are simultaneously debating the concept of FRANK when the Hexfield Viewscreen opens revealing Dr.F. Mike and the bots stop talking and look at the screen.)

**Dr. F **(sternly) Brooks and Dunn. (The view screen closes)  
**Crow:** I don't even know about... (The view screen opens again)  
**Dr. F **(more sternly) Brooks and Dunn!  
**Frank **(poking his head on to the screen) Wynona. (The view screen closes)  
**Tom** (confused) Tsk... What is Wynona?  
**Mike** (perplexed) I don't know...

Deep 13

**Frank:** Don't you see how great it is?! My name is Frank; the radio station's name is FRANK! It's totally uncharacteristic to name a radio station FRANK.  
**Dr. F:** More Garth. Moooore Reba!  
**Frank **(softly) Wynona.

SOL

**Tom:** Am I out of Reba? Do I need more Reba?  
**Crow:** Or any Wynona?

(Commercial Sign lights start flashing.)

**Mike:** I don't know. Sorry, guys gotta think about this one. Turning my crank to FRANK... I'm not... I don't think that...

(M&TB quietly discuss the merits of crank turning as we go to commercial.)

* * *

SOL

(Mike and the bots are taking a breather from training Mike. The red light goes off.)

**Crow:** You seem pretty nonchalant.  
**Mike:** I've achieved a state of clear.  
**Tom:** Well, anyways, the Mads are calling.  
**Mike:** So do we just hop to it? Let 'em wait!  
**Crow:** Really? Radical! (Mike casually caresses the button, and finally he presses it.)

Deep 13

**Dr. F:** So, Mr. Nelson! Mr. El Relaxo. That's nice. Maybe I'll just have you do your... (suddenly shouting) INVENTION EXCHANGE FIRST! FIRST! DO YOU HEAR ME?? FIRST!!  
**Mike** (unperturbed) Great!  
**Tom:** Good luck, buddy!  
**Crow:** Take it away, Mark.  
**Mike:** It's Mike.  
**Crow:** Whatever.  
**Mike:** Anyway, I've always been annoyed by umbrellas, the way the water just washes off and gets you back all wet anyway.  
**Tom:** I didn't know that about umbrellas!  
**Mike:** That's right. So I've added a gutter system around the outside edge, and a spout leading down.  
**Crow:** Toward your shoes. (Gypsy looks behind Mike.)  
**Tom:** Crow!  
**Gypsy:** Great Scott! He's right!  
**Mike:** No, no, no, no. I've got that covered too. You just point it out the back.  
**Tom:** Well, look at that! This is a good idea! Simple...  
**Crow:** Definitely simple!  
**Tom:** But good!  
**Gypsy:** Can you make me one?  
**Mike:** Sure.  
**Tom:** Hey, attago, man! Whaddaya call it?  
**Mike:** Uh, how about the gutter...  
**Crow:** Bumber?  
**Mike:** Shoot.  
**Tom:** Hey gutter-bumbershoot, I like that. (Chanting) Gutter-bumbershoot! Gutterbumbershoot! Hey! (Crow and Gypsy join in) Gutter-bumbershoot! Hey! Bum-Bumba Gutterbumbershoot! Gutterbumbershoot! Whoo-hoo! (Mads start calling again but Mike again doesn't care.)

* * *

(Lights flashing, warning lights are beeping, red light over everything. Gypsy pops up wearing earphones and a microphone.)

**Gypsy:** 20 seconds to expulsion!!  
**Joel:** Okay, alright, we have this letter to read. Let's put it upon still store. This comes to us from a wo...  
**Gypsy:** 10 seconds and counting! 10, 9, 8...  
**Joel:** Gypsy, could you please turn of these emergency lights? We got this letter to read!  
**Gypsy:** Sure! (lights and noise go off.) One! EXPULSION!! (Trap door opens, Joel falls through it.)  
**Tom:** What the hell was that?!  
**Crow:** Yeah! Where's Joel?!  
**Tom:** Yeah!  
**Gypsy:** I can explain everything. Cambot quick! Give me rocket number 9!

Rocket Number 9

(A hatch opens to reveal a box marked "hamdingers" which opens to reveal an escape pod.)

**Voice of Gypsy: **He'll finally get to be among his own in the wild.  
**Voice of Crow:** Hey look! There's a prize inside that box of hamdingers! An escape pod. (Pod takes off.)

SOL

(Hexfield opens to show Joel sitting in the escape pod)

**Crow:** Hey!  
**Joel:** Hey guys! Look at me! I'm on my way back to earth! Pretty crazy, huh?!  
**Crow:** Hey! What about us!?  
**Tom:** Yeah!  
**Crow:** What are we supposed to do without you! Who's gonna teach us about what it is to be human and stuff!  
**Tom:** Yeah!  
**Joel:** Listen, you guys. At this point you guys know about as much about it as I do. (Snow flies before Joel, simulating static.) Listen, I don't have a lot of time. My signal is starting to break up. I can tell I'm getting out of range. Listen, if you look under the desk, there's a plaque I made for you guys to put up to remember me by. (Cambot pulls back to show plaque now sitting on desk.)  
**Tom:** Yeah, here it is! Look! Boy! Nice job, Joel! Very professional looking! Really nice job!  
**Joel:** Yeah, thanks. I really gotta get out of here; I'm almost out of range! Listen you guys, be strong and true. I love you! Bye! (Hexfield closes.)  
**Crow:** Well, it's been a big day. Who's hungry?  
**Tom:** D'oh! NOT YET, DOFUS! Let's find out what's on the plaque! Press that button there.  
**Crow:** Oh yeah. (presses button)  
**Voice of Joel** (Oriental style music plays) To all on the Satellite of love from Joel.  
**Gypsy:** Hey! That's us!  
**Crow and Tom:** SSSSSSSSHH!!!!  
**Voice of Joel:** The whole world is a circus if you look at it the right way. Every time you pick up a handful of dust, you see not the dust, but a mystery, a marvel, there in your hand. Every time you stop and think, "I'm alive, and being alive is fantastic." Every time such a thing happens, you are part of the circus of Dr. Lao (pronounces it "loo.")  
**Crow and Tom:** WHAT!?!?!  
**Tom:** Circus of Dr. Lao!?  
**Crow:** Oh!  
**Tom:** Jeez! Brother. Joel leaves and his last words are from a George Pal movie? I thought it would be something profound! You know, like from the Psalms, or the Upanishads or even the Desiderata for that matter!  
**Magic Voice:** Last transmission from Joel coming in on Hexfield. (Hexfield opens.)  
**Tom:** Joel, buddy! Circus of Dr. Lao?! I don't get it!  
**Joel:** Hey, it's my favorite movie, so sue me! I got to go, guys. Hey, see you later! (To Cambot.) Sorry, folks! I can't come back! I don't know how it works! Good-bye!! (Hexfield closes.)  
**Bots:** BYE! BYE!  
**Crow:** Wow.  
**Gypsy:** Oh, I'm going to miss him.  
**Tom:** Well, I guess he's gone for good, fellas. That only means one thing. I'm in charge.  
**Crow:** Race you to the Mallowcups. I found out where he hides them!  
**Tom:** Oh, Crow! Too soon!!  
**Gypsy:** Think they'll send us a new guy?  
**Tom:** Oh sure, they're bound to. But, until that happens...PANIC!!!  
**Bots** (Begin running wildly across the screen)AAAAAH!! PANIC!!! AAAAAAAHH!! JOEL!! JOEL!!!! JOEL!!!! HELP ME!!! WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO!!!!!? WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO!! AAAAAAAAAAH!! (Crow falls apart, Tom loses his dome.)

Deep 13

(Frank stares into the screen, dumbfounded.)

**Dr. F.** (In a green bathrobe with wet hair and a towel) Nothing like a shower to make one feel new again, huh?. (Frank gulps.) I feel great! Nothing can get in the way of my good mood. What's goin' on, Frank?  
**Frank:** Oh, not much. Inventory under control...floor needs mopping...Joel escaped from the Satellite of Love...  
**Dr. F.:** Well, I see you have the situation well in ha-- WHAT!!! JOEL ESCAPED from the Satellite of LOVE???  
**Frank:** I better get started on that floor.  
**Dr. F.:** Frank! My towel and you hinder have an appointment. We've got to rescue Joel. (Begins typing franticly.) Oh no! NO! FRANK! He's landed safely in the Australian outback!  
**Frank:** Well, let's just hope he landed on Yahoo Sirius.  
**Dr. F.:** Well, that's a good point...FRANK! (Grabs him by the shoulders) Can't you see we're ruined! What are we gonna do?  
**Frank:** Well, we could send someone else into space.  
**Dr. F.:** Who are we gonna find at this late date to send into space?! (Mike walks up)  
**Mike:** You guys sign my time card? (Dr. F. and Frank look at him and start laughing.)  
**Dr. F.:** Are you thinking what I'm thinking?  
**Frank:** Yeah! Your not gonna sign his time card are you! (Dr. F gives him a look.)  
**Mike:** Come on, you gotta sign my time card.  
**Dr. F.:** Of course I'll sign your time card, young man! In fact, I think you'll be working for me for a long, long time. Push the button, Frank. (Frank pushes it with a disgusted look. Blackout.)  
**Dr. F.'s voice:** Say Mike, what size jumpsuit do you wear?

* * *

SOL

**Joel:** Listen, are you sure you guys want to go? The experiment's about to start.  
**Crow**: Oh, the experiments bite. It's all so dull and so--uh--banal!  
**Tom**: Yeah, Joel. This place is for losers and squares. Stick around here and you're headed for nowhere in a rocket sled, baby. Uh--No offense, of course...  
**Joel:** Oh, hi everybody. Welcome to the Satellite of Love. I'm Joel Robinson, still stuck up here in space. This is Gypsy.  
**Gypsy:** Hi!  
**Joel:** And my other two robots, Tom Servo and Crow, have decided to run away from home and go live on the other side of the ship.  
**Crow**: All right. We're gonna to get going then, Joel. Oh, and Please? Don't embarrass yourself by following us, ok?  
**Joel:** Oh no, I won't. This is your deal. I can see you've got everything. Uh--what's this right here, Tom, in your hand?  
**Tom**: Oh. I made a boomerang to hunt wild animals.  
**Joel:** Smart. Oh, well, see you later.  
**Crow** and **Tom**: Ok—bye, bye.  
**Tom**: (singing) I was born under a wandering star--  
**Gypsy:** They'll be back.  
**Joel:** Yeah. Uh, hey, Magic Voice. Want to give us a status report on how they're doing?  
**Magic Voice:** They are fifty yards away. They have stopped. They appear to be arguing. Crow has put down his pack and is hitting Tom Servo on the shoulder. Tom is crying. They're heading back now.  
**Joel:** You were right, Gypsy. We'll be right back.

* * *

**Tom:** Timothy Van Patton is NOT the type for a gerbil!  
**Crow:** It's a HAMSTER!  
**Tom:** Well, whatever! He shouldn't be going around with a Cricetid or any small Slavic origin rodent. It doesn't fit the profile!  
**Crow:** Ahhh! You're loony!  
**Tom:** Well for your information, Boris, there are plenty of perfect examples of detectives and other crime-fighting types whose pets were perfectly suitted to them! Baretta's cockatoo, Sonny Crockett had a crocodile, Columbo's bassett hound, BJ had the bear...  
**Joel:** Turner had Hootch  
**Tom:** Right! Good! McCloud had his horse. They all made sense!  
**Crow:** Oh, c'mon! What made you the expert?  
**Joel:** Well, actually I did I wrote a subroutine in his database allowing him to pair fictional detectives to pets.  
**Crow:** (sarcastic) Oh GEE! What a useful bit of programming!  
**Tom:** Hey!  
**Joel:** Well, it's something to do. I mean, why don't you do it for us with today's mumbling heroes?  
**Tom:** I'm suggesting a mandrill for Timothy  
**Crow:** A mandrill?!?  
**Joel:** What about Magnum P.I.?  
**Tom:** Let's see--something tropical. A sea turtle.  
**Crow:** How about Jim Rockford?  
**Tom:** Praying mantis  
**Joel:** T. J. Hooker?  
**Tom:** Oh, he'd have a creature with the head of Adrian Zmed and the body of a spider monkey  
**Crow:** Uh, The Avengers?  
**Tom:** For Emma Peel, a newt. For John Steed, let's see, a spitting cobra or a duck.  
**Joel:** Toma?  
**Tom:** Cockatoo, same as Baretta. Next?  
**Crow:** Bat Masterson?  
**Tom:** Penguin. All of your 19th century western detectives would have penguins. But there may be a couple puffins thrown in, so be sure and ask me about each one.  
**Joel:** What about Starsky and Hutch?  
**Tom:** Paul Michael Glasser: a vicuna. David Soul: a bat.  
**Crow:** Uh, Matlock?  
**Tom:** He raises meal worms for money.  
**Joel:** The Saint?  
**Tom:** Sea cow.  
**Crow:** Miss Marple?  
**Tom:** Weasel.  
**Joel:** Mod Squad?  
**Tom:** Puppy, lizard, bird.  
**Crow:** Uh, Charles Darwin?  
**Joel:** Oh! Now he wasn't a detective!  
**Crow:** Well, so? He tracked stuff down, didn't he?  
**Tom:** its okay, Joel. It's okay. Crow, Professor Darwin would have a howler monkey that would eventually evolve into his wise-cracking partner, Blake  
**Joel:** Oh, now you're just showing off (Tom giggles)  
**Crow:** Hey! Wait a minute! Charles Darwin wasn't fictional!  
**Joel:** Hush, you two! We have Commercial Sign.

* * *

SOL

**Joel:** You are magic are you Trumpy? (Everything on the SOL floats, the hexfield view screen keeps opening and Crow, who is dressed up as Trumpy, floats too, while the tune from the floating scene from 'Pod People' plays.)

Deep 13

(Frank and Dr. F. seem perplexed and openmouthed and look into the camera.)

SOL

**Joel** (pointing to the ceiling) Trumpy, you come down! (Everything opens and floats, this time with Tom Servo, also dressed up as Trumpy, floats instead of Crow. Tom is so scared, he's yelling.)

Deep 13

(The Mads look at each other and look closer into the camera.)

SOL

**Joel:** I can't bring him down; I don't know how it works. (Everything floats and opens again, with Crow and Tom Servo floating as well.) Oh, we've got commercial sign (presses button).

* * *

SOL

(Tom and Crow are dressed wearing bowties. Tom speaks in a geeky voice and Crow speaks in an old geezer voice.)  
**Tom:** Boy, Grandpa, I sure am enjoying this Godzilla movie! And I sure enjoy being your grandson!  
**Crow:** Ah, keep talking, Buddy! You know, I certainly have amassed a fortune wearing dorky big bow ties, weasely glasses and donning big boy hair styles!  
**Tom:** Yeah, sure, whatever you say, Gramps. You know, Grandpa, I was looking through some Italian fashion portfolios and there's some great new looks out, maybe we can hire a fashion consultant and...  
**Crow:** Shut up, you little cretin! It's MY fortune and I'll decide how we wear our hair!  
**Tom:** But, but Gramps! What good is having a bazillion dollar popcorn empire if no sweet chick will breed with me?  
**Crow:** Listen to yourself, Buddy! It's part of the proud sweet popcorn creed to be without the love of a woman! How can we concentrate on genetically improving the popcorn if we have extremely abundant members of the weaker sex parading up and down the rows of our high-yield-super-chief-double-whammy-ganga-ganga corn? Sweet fruit juices anointing their bodies? Come on, how would this look?  
**Tom:** Well I still WANT one!  
**Crow:** Oh, Buddy! Get a-hold of yourself! We're scientists!  
**Tom:** Well, sorry, Gramps. Hey can I ask you a question?  
**Crow:** Oh, of course.  
**Tom:** When will you be dying, you twisted old ferret?  
**Crow:** Buddy, stop tormenting me! I am your grandfather! We are of the same blood! We're popcorn!  
**Tom:** I'm sorry gramps but I can't stop thinking about all that money! I'm really looking to the day when you shed your spotty pox-marked furry coil, I shed my geeky image I sign on a full-time stylist, take dance lessons and disappear into the night! Ha ha!  
**Crow:** You're gonna disappear into the night right now if you don't shut up! Don't think I haven't thought of disowning you! I relish the thought! Nightly! Nightly! Do you hear me? NIGHTLY!  
**Tom:** Uhh... have I mentioned that our new light has 1/3rd the calories of our regular popcorn?  
**Crow:** What do you care? You can't afford it, you're flat busted!  
**Tom** (choking) That our new popcorn au gratin has real cheese flavor?  
**Crow:** GOOD! You should get used to it, you're gonna be eating a lot of cheese! Government Cheese!  
**Tom** (in tears) Why do you always do this? I hate you! I'VE ALWAYS HATED YOU! What happened to my real father, anyway?  
**Crow:** He's in the poorhouse where I replaced him just like I'm gonna replace you if you don't shut up and do what I say! (Tom breaks down crying.) It's MY will, MY will not yours!! I've got the keys to the kingdom! I! ME! MY! I'M THE GOD! I'M THE GOD!  
**Tom** (screaming) I HATE YOU!! I HATE YOU!! (Joel enters, with clipboard, as director.)  
**Joel:** Hey! Cut! Cut! Can we cut it, again? Listen, remember. This is only a 30-second spot and try to mention the product more, eh? Oh, we've also got commercial sign.

* * *

SOL

**Joel: **Where are Dr Erhardt and Dr Forrester?

Deep 13

**TV's Frank: **I'm Frank. I'm new here. As for Dr Forrester, he stepped out for a moment. As for Dr Erhardt… (Frank holds up a milk carton with Dr Erhardt on it) …he's missing.

* * *

(Camera is focused on the wall of Deep 13. Camera pans left to show Dr. Forrester, using a remote control device to operate the camera. He is humming something.)

**Erhardt** (entering from the left, anxious) Clay! Clay! I think I was spotted on the way down here!  
**Dr. F:** Did you wear your disguise?  
**Erhardt:** I was wearing my disguise, but I'm just not very good in heels!  
**Dr. F:** No one must know we're down here doing this!  
**Erhardt:** I'm sorry.  
**Dr. F:** Well, it's time to call Joel about the experiment.  
to camera Come in, Joely-Poley Puddin'-n-Pie!

SOL

**Joel:** Hey, sirs, I'm ready for this week's invention exchange. Check this thing out! I just made it; it's the world's only electric bagpipes. (Produces bagpipes attached to leaf blower) All right... (Turns on leaf blower, begins to play. Joel and the 'bots sing.)  
**Joel and the Bots** (singing) Amazing grace, how sweet the sound...  
**Joel:** Okay, and uh, the robots and I have worked up a special cover version of Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love". You ready, guys?  
**Crow:** Ready! Rock it!  
**Joel:** 2, 3...  
**Joel and the Bots** (singing) She's gotta whole lotta love! (bagpipes) Wanna whole lotta love! (bagpipes) She's gotta whole lotta love! (bagpipes) A really whole lotta love! (bagpipes)

Deep 13

(Erhardt appears to be in great pain)

**Dr. F:** I love it! Look... Larry's corneas are bleeding. Oh... Well! It's time we sent you our experimental nugget this week, Joel. Now, human underarm perspiration is something that happens to everyone after they go through puberty... (smirking) which, I assume, includes you, Joel.

(Erhardt chuckles derisively.)

**Dr. F** (abruptly): When's the last time you saw a dog sweat? Larry?  
**Erhardt:** Never!  
**Dr. F:** Exactly! And why is that?  
**Erhardt:** Dogs don't sweat, that's why!  
**Dr. F:** Exactly! Because of the dog's pineal gland. Nature's own canine antiperspirant. Now. You take the pineal gland, and you make a serum. You get a dog, it doesn't matter what kind of dog, and you inject that serum into a human subject. In this case, Larry...

(Dr. Erhardt places sensors under his armpits and bends over to allow Dr. F to inject him in the hinder. Forrester gets behind him with a large syringe, and examines Larry's hinder.)

**Dr. F:** Now, let's see...It's so hard to find a spot I haven't hit...(looking at something on Larry's hinder) Uh, what's this flower? And who's Roseanne?  
**Erhardt** (irritated) Oh, just stick it, will you?  
**Dr. F:** Sail on, Silver Bird! (injects Erhardt, who jumps up)  
**Erhardt:** D'oh, Jeez!  
**Dr. F:** Now, instantly the serum races through the bloodstream like a Porsche Targa 911, commandeering each pore, slamming it shut, like the vault at your favorite savings and loan!

(Erhardt begins panting like a dog.)

**Dr. F: **And, checking the wetness sensors... (he removes one from Erhardt's pit) ...we see that they are free from wetness, and/or odor. (He looks over at Erhardt.)  
**Erhardt:** (panting) Antidote...Antidote.  
**Dr. F:** Oh! Yes, the antidote. There you go... (injects something into Erhardt's arm) ...the antidote, and here is your treat (removes something from his pocket, throws it in the air. Erhardt catches it in his mouth).

SOL

**Crow:** Oh, brother!  
**Tom:** That was pathetic!  
**Crow:** Eww!  
**Joel** (conciliatory) Hey, no, I thought that was really good, you guys. You're doing really well, and I think that someday, you'll be ready for the Nobel Prize.  
**Tom:** Maybe for fiction!  
**Joel:** Hey! Hey, I noticed you moved. You guys must've got kicked out of uh, Gizmonic Institute for shooting us into space like this, I bet.

Deep 13

**Erhardt:** Oh, don't be ridiculous! We moved!  
**Dr. F:** It's ... It's our grand re-opening! Uh, welcome to Deep 13!

SOL

**Joel:** Deep 13? Wait a minute! That's in the sub-basement of Gizmonic Institute! I had to clean up a flubber spill once there. It's incredibly radioactive!

Deep 13

**Erhardt** (dementedly) Well, it hasn't affected our brain any.  
**Dr. F:** We like it here! Now, we're even closer to the atomic pile. And one day...

SOL

**Joel:** Well, I suppose it's time for you guys to start experimenting on us again.

Deep 13

**Dr. F** (angrily) I'll tell you when it's time to do the movie, you squinty-eyed space chimp!  
**Erhardt:** Oh, uh, Clay?  
**Dr. F:** What?  
**Erhardt:** It is time.  
**Dr. F:** Oh. Yeah, I ...  
**Erhardt:** Nice insult, though.  
**Dr. F:** I knew that. Thank you. Well, it's a real stink burger of a film this week, Joel. It's called "The Crawling Eye."  
**Erhardt** (laughs) Oh, it's got a bad audio track, it's in black and white and worst of all it stars Forrest Tucker.  
**Dr. F:** Hmm. Good name, bad actor. I'll put in the tape. (both laugh maniacally. Organ music plays)

* * *

SOL

**Joel:** Welcome to the Satellite of Love. It's a big day up here, isn't it guys?

**Tom:** Absolutely!

**Crow:** ... Big Day, Big Day

**Joel:** Because the guys who hold my destiny in their hands: Dr. Clayton Forrester and Dr. Lawrence Erhardt, are about to send me a transmission. (Pause)

**Tom:** Also, they are the two men responsible for marooning you in space!

**Crow: **Yeah, and the two guys who keep sending you those "Gamera" movies! Who-hoo!!

**Joel:** C'mon you guys, be nice. It's the new years, it's time to forgive and forget. Besides they might be sending us news of were going to be going home. (A musical tone is heard.)

**Joel:** Oh, there's the transmission now, you guys chill out, okay?

(Cut to the Mads, who are in informal dress shirts, in some sort of control room with TV monitors in the background and other various props and a crate of Pepsi.)

**Dr. F: **(No mustache and a much more deeper voice) Hello, Joely-boy-toy! Is it true what they say about space?!

SOL

**Joel:** Uh, What's that, sir?

GIZMONIC

**Erhardt:** That no one can hear you laugh!! (Mads begin to laugh)

SOL

**Joel:** Uh, Happy New Year, doctors?

GIZMONIC

**Dr. F:** Don't "Happy New Year" me, you white-piece-of-trash-floating-in-the-vacuum-of-space. We just heard that the Russians have launched their own comedian into space and he is already pulling a four rating... (Cut to a clip of a standup comedian standing in front of a cartoon space backdrop.)

**Russian Comedian:** (Holding his hand up like a hand puppet and talking to it) This is my friend, Bishi. Bishi, how are you? I am fine (Chuckle). How is your wife, Bishi? She is fine but her neck hurts (Puts down hand, chuckles some more), thank you so much... (Cut back to Gizmonic.)

**Erhardt:** ... and he's a regular Gallagher too! It's called "Very Incredible Movie Theater 4"!

SOL

**Joel:** Dr. Erhardt and Dr. Forrester, would it be too much to ask if you could let me and my friends know when we'll be getting out of space?

GIZMONIC

**Dr. F:** Sure, Joely-Poley. Were planning a show for you right now here on Earth!

(SOL)

**Joel:** (Curious) Really?

GIZMONIC

**Dr. F:** Yeah, booby. It's about... a guy and three robots and they're submerged deep in the Trans-Alantic trench, three miles under the ocean surface and we send him transmission after transmission of Jacques Custeau movies. (Dr. Erhardt begins to loudly laugh, followed by Dr. Forrester and both start to laugh maniacally.)

SOL

**Crow:** What a couple of dickweeds. (Mockingly laughs at them)

**Joel:** Hey Crow, hush up! Listen... thanks but no thanks doc, we'll get used being out here in space for a little more time. (Joel's obviously disappointed.)

**Tom:** Um, excuse me, uh, how long are you gonna keep going to send us those gosh darn Turtle movies?!

GIZMONIC

**Erhardt:** Don't "Gosh darn" me, you little snack headed piece of tin foil! (points at the camera) You'll keep watching Gamera movies (Picks up a stack of tapes) until we get through all these!!! Ha ha ha ha ha!!!! Give 'em a commercial Clayton! (Both laugh again. Dr. Forrester, wearing a leather glove, points up and then presses a button that fades into commercial.)

* * *

(Fade in on an unrecognizable SOL. Joel sits at the table with Crow on his right and Beeper on his left.)

**Crow:** Do you think they can see us, Joel Hodgson?  
**Joel:** Yeah, Crow, the transmission light is on, isn't it?  
**Beeper:** (Enthusiastically) Beep!  
**Crow:** Joel Hodgson, it's the first time Beeper's been seen by a human being. Uh, present company excluded, that is.  
**Beeper:** Beep!  
**Joel:** Listen, you guys, I'm going for it. People of Earth, I am Joel Hodgson. I am orbiting your planet on a man-made satellite of my own design. Please tell your president I built these robots. They are also of my own design. Also tell him that I don't like his TV shows very much, except for maybe some of the early "Death Valley Days".  
**Beeper:** Beep! Yee-ha! Beep!  
**Joel:** Uh, I present this invention to your planet. It is to aid all races, especially people who are suffering from back and neck and pelvis injuries. It's called the chiropractic helmet. I'll demonstrate.

(From under the table, Joel pulls out the device and puts it on his head. It looks like a bucket with a crank on top and the effect that the user's head is doing 360 degree turns. Crow and Beeper also demonstrate or try to their head-twisting talents in response.)

**Beeper:** (Wildly) Beep!  
**Joel:** Crow, Beeper, you don't understand. The human beings on Earth can't twist their heads around like we can, unless maybe they went to college to study to become ventriloquist dummies or something.  
**Beeper:** (Sadly) Beep.  
**Joel:** What'd he say?  
**Crow:** He said being a human being must be a rush.  
**Beeper:** Beep.  
**Joel:** (Talking over Beeper) Oh, yeah. It is. (Lights flicker)  
**Beeper:** Beep!  
**Joel:** (Talking over Beeper) Hey. Sounds like the theatre's opening up. You guys better get outta here. (Crow and Beeper leave. To Cambot) I'll see you on the other side. (Slaps a set of buttons on the table and leaves)

* * *

Around this time, Crow, Tom and Gypsy had arrived.

They, along with Joel and Mike, were feeling very nostalgic, and they were beginning the place they had considered their prison for so long.

In fact, Tom and Crow were blubbering like babies.

The President stared at the little screen.

Then he glanced over at Dr Paul.

Right at that moment, Dr Paul just wanted to be blasted off the face of the Earth.


	11. with the short Robot Rumpus

Two days later, the Gizmonic President was sitting at a podium on a stage.

All the Gizmocrats were standing before him.

Dr Solomon and Dr Paul were standing next to him, holding Dr Erhardt in their clutches.

To his left, Mike, Joel and the Bots were standing nearby.

"Gizmocrats of Gizmonic Institute," said the President. "Today, it is with great pleasure that we honor our great heroes, Mike Nelson, Joel Robinson, and their robotic companions, Crow T Robot, Tom Servo, Gypsy and Cambot."

There was applause.

Crow saluted.

"Dr Solomon," the President continued, turning to the sane scientist, "for your services in this escapade, I am promoting you to Chief Supervisor of your sector."

Dr Solomon saluted while Dr Paul simply glared at him.

We can't exactly send Dr Paul to jail. He thought he was doing his job.

"As for Dr Laurence Erhardt, we are sentencing you to two years in the brig for stealing government property, as well as going under the false name of a mad scientist, when you are in fact a mildly peeved researcher."

"Sez you, Mr Customs Man," Erhardt retorted, before being nudged by Solomon.

Then the President turned back to Mike, Joel and the Bots.

"As for you lot, is there anything we can do for you?" he asked.

Mike sighed.

"I just want to have a home and job and some normal clothes. I've been wearing jumpsuits for the last four and a half years," he sighed.

"I wanna pony!" said Gypsy.

"I want to decide who lives and who dies," said Crow.

"Again?" Joel asked.

The President chuckled.

"Well, I'll see what I can do," he said. "I think I could very well fund you an apartment in the area of your choice."

Mike grinned.

"Thanks, sir," he said.

The President turned to the crowd.

"Mr Michael J Nelson, everyone!" he said.

Everyone began applauding.

Mike, Joel and the Bots waved to the crowd.

Gypsy tapped the President on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, do you have a phone?" she asked.

The President reached into the podium and pulled a phone out.

Gypsy opened her mouth and a card fell out.

"Could you dial that number, please?" she asked.

While this was going on, Joel pulled Mike aside.

"You know, that overnight cook job is still open, if you want it," he said.

Mike was excited.

"Awesome!" he cried. "I love fish."

"And, there's a vacant apartment a few doors down."

"Is it any good?" Crow asked.

"How good do you want?"

"Practically the equivalent of Caesar's Palace."

Joel chuckled.

"Well, we could smarten it up a bit," he said.

Just then, Gypsy came up.

"Guys! You guys! Guess what! Guess what!" she cried.

"What is it, Gypsy?" Mike asked.

"Well, I called that guy I met at the restaurant back, and he said he'd help me start up my own company!"

"Oh, that's great, Gypsy," said Joel, patting her head.

Gypsy cooed happily.

"Oh, do you guys wanna join me?" she asked.

Everyone looked at her unsurely.

They weren't very sure if that's what they wanted.

Finally, Crow broke the ice.

"FFFT!" he said.

"Are you sure?" Gypsy asked.

Mike quickly spoke for everyone.

"That's okay, Gypsy," he said. "We're not exactly up for that fast-paced world. That's more _your_ scene."

"Yeah, you're right," she said, nuzzling him. "Well, he's going to meet me at the Hot Fish Shop tomorrow, so we should probably get back over there soon."

"How do we get there in time?" Tom asked.

Cambot flew in low.

"Cambot? What is it, boy?" Mike asked.

Cambot motioned to the CT, which was still sitting on the podium.

Mike grinned. He approached the President and Dr Solomon.

"Well, thanks for your help, guys," he said.

"Oh, no problem," said the President. "Is there anything we can do for you?"

"Well, you could transport us back to the Hot Fish Shop in Osseo," Joel said. "I left my car there."

Dr Solomon nodded. He started typing a command into the CT.

"Okay, guys!" he said. "Gather around."

Joel, Mike, and the Bots got into a group.

"Smile!"

Everyone grinned.

_**BRZAP!**_

In flash of light, the MSTies disappeared.

* * *

_**One Week Later…**_

Seated in front of their little TV on the couch, Crow and Tom were relaxing. Cambot was hovering behind them, watching TV with Crow.

Mike was in the kitchen making lunch.

Tom was reading from a booklet.

"Boy oh boy, this ConGypsCo stock is up! I mean, way up!" he said.

"Well, Gypsy did wanna let us in on her public offering, but we said no," Mike reminded him from the kitchen.

"Well, if you remember, I made a fart noise," Crow corrected. "She only _took it_ as a no."

Mike finally entered, carrying a bowl.

"Well still, it all worked out. I mean, we were very fortunate to walk away from that crash," he said.

Crow and Tom agreed.

"And, I guess if we were all multi-billionaires, you guys wouldn't have moved in with me," Mike continued.

"True," Crow agreed.

"Yeah, that's right. Sweet garden level living; one bedroom, one half bath, and on the bus lines!" Tom said proudly.

"Suh-weet!" Crow said.

Tom chuckled.

Mike brought the bowl he was holding a bit closer.

"Hey, who's for rice?" he asked.

"Would you sit down?" Crow protested. "The movie's about to start!"

"C'mere, dummy," said Tom.

Mike quickly moved around the couch and sat between Tom and Crow.

Cambot continued to hover behind them.

It suddenly became a very familiar scene to him.

The TV Announcer came on.

"WTMJ-TV in Milwaukee presents our Saturday Afternoon Movie, _The Crawling Eye_," he said.

"The Crawling Eye, the Marty Feldman Story!" Tom riffed.

"Oh. Forrest Tucker. He's the guy that makes sure the tree's shirt-tales are tucked in," Mike commented.

Crow couldn't help but notice something.

"This is kind of familiar, isn't it?" he asked.

Tom looked thoughtful.

Cambot decided to fade to the credits.

* * *

**CAST**

**Bill Corbett: **Crow T Robot / Observer (Stock Footage)

**Michael J Nelson: **Mike Nelson / Dr Lyle / Buisness Mogul

**Joel Hodgson: **Joel Robinson

**Patrick Bransteg: **Gypsy / Dr Ray

**Kevin Murphy: **Tom Servo / Dr Mickey / Profesor Bobo (Stock Footage)

**Paul Chaplin: **Dr Paul / Little Kid

**Bridget Jones Nelson: **Dr Carnage

**Josh "J Elvis" Weinstein: **Dr Laurence Erhardt / Tom Servo (Stock Footage)

**John Goodman: **Dr Solomon

**John Lithgow: **Gizmonic President

**Beth "Beez" McCeever: **Waitress

**Trace Beaulieu: **Crow T Robot (Stock Footage) / Dr Clayton Forrester (Stock Footage)

**Mary Jo Pehl: **Pearl Forrester (Stock Footage)

**Jim Mallon: **Gypsy (Stock Footage)

**Frank Conniff: **TV's Frank (Stock Footage)

**Associate Producers: **Michael J Nelson, Kevin Murphy, Bill Corbett

**Prop Master: **Patrick Bransteg

**Puppet Wranglers: **Patrick Bransteg, Helena Espinosa

**Prop Builder: **Joel Hodgson

**Puppet Builders: **Joel Hodgson, Robert Lane

**Model Builders: **Trace Beaulieu, Randy H Herget

**Costume Designer: **Beth "Beez" McCeever

**Music Composers: **Michael J Nelson, Bridget Jones Nelson

"**LOVE THEME FROM THE SATELITTE OF LOVE" **by Joel Hodgson, Josh "J Elvis" Weinstein. Performed by Michael J Nelson and _Man or Astroman_.


End file.
